So our friends who got married in Vegas met on Lava Life. Another friend just admitted that she was inspired by them and made a profile as well, a fake one mind you, just so she could check the goods out, but she made one nonetheless. I have another few friends who have placed profiles on Plenty of Fish, apparently they are cheapolas as that site is free. They have also been peer pressuring me into joining that site but thus far i have refrained. The remainder of my friends are either living in sin with their partners or are happily married and trying to have babies...eek!!
I'm not sure what my problem is but i still feel like there is this huge stigma attached to such sites and i would rather die than have my dating profile for all to see. To me it shouts "LOOK AT THE LOSER" and can you imagine who might see it.....my family, people from highschool, co-workers, oh i would die. I suppose i could post one without a photo, but then i'm sure everyone would think that i'm a hideous monster. That's what i think of people without photos, that they must be rather unattractive, you know have goiters hanging off of their necks or big boils all over their face with hair protruding from said boils.
Anyway, i want to know what you ladies and gents think about this whole internet dating stuff. Has anyone tried it? Any horror stories?
My other options of meeting Prince Charming are pretty much slim to none. I've gone to bars for years and have not found too many exciting people in them, i've met most of my friends friends and i am not a great flirter at all. Jennifer is the queen of flirting and is always yelling at me when she thinks i've missed an opportunity to chat some fellas up. Once in her elevator of her very gay building a group of guys were making conversation with us. We got off onto her floor and she starts yelling at me as to why i didn't talk to them more because finding a straight man in her building was like finding a needle in a haystack. I honestly didn't think of it. I've joined volleyball teams, I volunteer, i'm out there.....but nothing :(
Monday, May 29, 2006
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Welcome to Hammy
Alright so i decided to give Suki a rest and give Hammy a try....BOO to the name i know, i know. I'm not very creative with pet names, my real bunny at home is actually named bunny.....
So i was watching American Idol tonight and what a treat and wonderful surprise, Prince took the stage and sang a song. I have been in love with Prince for years and years. Way back when, a few friends and I went to one of his concerts. I've always enjoyed his music, but man could he move when we saw him live. I fought with my friends for the binoculars (nose bleed seats) and ever since that moment have found him strangely attractive and quite sexy. I know he's small and short and terribly skinny .... not really a man's man, but there is something about him that makes me smile. That being said, here is my list of unconventional hotties:
1. Prince
2. Conan O'Brien
3. David Spade
4. Jeff Martin - the only reason i'm putting him on this particular list is because Jennifer compared him to Captain Morgan, i don't really think he belongs on here, I've heard girls say that he makes them quiver.....I agree :)
So basically I'm all for a funny/can sing and gyrate not so hot to others but hot to me type of guy. I certainly don't have completely horrible taste, i still find Jude Law and Ewan McGregor hot. (Apparently i have a thing for the Brits as well)
At the Mode concert last week, Sly told us all we each had one and only one "There's your Boyfriend" to use. Her boyfriend had long stringy, curly hair. He was ordering popcorn after the concert and wearing what resembled some type of hockey jersey. Mine was so drunk he could not stand up, it was so bad a group of people were standing around him staring as he balanced on one knee and fell again. Sly said he looked as though he was having some type of seizure, that's how drunk he was. She also mentioned that we are all going to hell and we're sure to come back as ugly people for playing such a game....then we laughed so hard i snorted out loud :)
On a sidenote about going to hell, there was this one other time a few years back. A very un PC friend of mine was driving and almost backed into this woman in a wheelchair. My reaction was "oh my watch out" my friends reaction was to say "well, really, she's already in a wheelchair, she wouldn't have been any worse off" .... Now she's going to Hell!
Saturday, May 20, 2006
My friends and their Dads
Dawn was telling me the other day about something her dad had said to her and i was crying i was laughing so hard. I then decided to write a blog about my friends and their fathers.
So Dawn was having a conversation with her mother about marriage and children. She was telling her mom that she was approaching 30 and decided it was too late to have babies. At this point her father walks in and is terribly upset that Dawn has decided she no longer wants children. (They already have 3 grandchildren but all are boys)Dawn tries to explain to him that she's almost 30 and does not even have a boyfriend at this time in her life. Her dad then exclaims "you don't need a man, that's what sperm banks are for, go get a sperm doner." Her mom starts yelling and Dawn is appalled because he is absolutely serious. She tells me this story over dinner and i almost spit my iced tea all over her. Priceless.....
Melissa's dad is the most unlucky man i have ever met. It never fails that each time he purchases anything, anything at all, something is wrong with the item. Here is the list that i can recall off the top of my head. Melissa can refresh my memory when i speak to her next and i'll add to the list.
*He bought a package of socks, buy 10 get one pair free. His package did not contain the free pair.
*He was buying running shoes, tried on the left shoe and purchased them. When he got home and went to put them on, he realized the holes had not been punched into where the laces go on the right shoe so he could not lace them up.
*He purchased a great big tool box that he had to assemble himself in the basement. Once it was all put together he realized that his tool box did not contain the keys needed to lock the drawers.
*He bought a go-cart type of toy for his grandson. When they opened the box at the birthday party, the whole go-cart was smashed to pieces.
*He purchased a package of underwear size large. Inside however, all of the underwear were size small.
*He bought a ford truck, they were trying to send out recalls for a new paint job and his recall did not show up to his house until after the recall had expired.
*He was drinking a pop at Swiss Chalet when the whole bottom fell out of the bottom of the glass thus pouring pop all over his lap.
*He bought a digital cable box that was defective.
*He ordered an appetizer at Boston Pizza for his meal and the waiter brought him something completely different.
So Dawn was having a conversation with her mother about marriage and children. She was telling her mom that she was approaching 30 and decided it was too late to have babies. At this point her father walks in and is terribly upset that Dawn has decided she no longer wants children. (They already have 3 grandchildren but all are boys)Dawn tries to explain to him that she's almost 30 and does not even have a boyfriend at this time in her life. Her dad then exclaims "you don't need a man, that's what sperm banks are for, go get a sperm doner." Her mom starts yelling and Dawn is appalled because he is absolutely serious. She tells me this story over dinner and i almost spit my iced tea all over her. Priceless.....
Melissa's dad is the most unlucky man i have ever met. It never fails that each time he purchases anything, anything at all, something is wrong with the item. Here is the list that i can recall off the top of my head. Melissa can refresh my memory when i speak to her next and i'll add to the list.
*He bought a package of socks, buy 10 get one pair free. His package did not contain the free pair.
*He was buying running shoes, tried on the left shoe and purchased them. When he got home and went to put them on, he realized the holes had not been punched into where the laces go on the right shoe so he could not lace them up.
*He purchased a great big tool box that he had to assemble himself in the basement. Once it was all put together he realized that his tool box did not contain the keys needed to lock the drawers.
*He bought a go-cart type of toy for his grandson. When they opened the box at the birthday party, the whole go-cart was smashed to pieces.
*He purchased a package of underwear size large. Inside however, all of the underwear were size small.
*He bought a ford truck, they were trying to send out recalls for a new paint job and his recall did not show up to his house until after the recall had expired.
*He was drinking a pop at Swiss Chalet when the whole bottom fell out of the bottom of the glass thus pouring pop all over his lap.
*He bought a digital cable box that was defective.
*He ordered an appetizer at Boston Pizza for his meal and the waiter brought him something completely different.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Top 10 things I Love about Vegas!!
So we are back *sound applause*
Rather than bore you with a play by play of what we did, i'd rather just point out why i love Vegas sooooo much. As well as you all know, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas :P
1. Toilets were accessible 24/7. I have the world's smallest bladder even at the best of times when i'm not consuming large amounts of alcohol. It's always a pain in the ass to try and find somewhere that is open or where i don't have to purchase something first. In Vegas there are so many casinos, bars, hotels that are open all the time that it was never a problem to stumble into one while drinking on the street.
2. Which leads me to this one. You can drink anywhere and everywhere. I kept forgetting and would try to finish my drink and then leave wherever i was. When really i could have walked down the street with it to my next location. As well some clubs close at 5am and serve until then. On our last evening there we managed to meet some people from TO and drink till 9am with them at a small bar/casino. This is where we took turns taking pictures with this particular gentleman that was passed out all night long :)
3. The weather was phenomenal. Obviously it is a dry heat so even when it was like 100 degrees it wasn't unbearably hot. Plus i love the sun. I'm like that old lady in There's Something About Mary except i complain non-stop about my developing wrinkles and continue to lay out in the sun anyway.
4. Vegas is so incredibly gaudy and trashy, but at the same time it's beautiful. Everything is done on such a grand scale and the hotels were just amazing. They have pregnant women handing out the porn cards, you know the order her up to your room type of cards right outfront of the beautiful water show at the Bellagio. Best of both worlds i suppose.
5. The locals were extremly helpful. We had one girl who worked at a hotel offer to try and get us passes to a club. She called and left a message that she got them for us and offered to meet us outside the club so that we would have them for the evening. This was great as most of the clubs have enormous cover charges like $30 to $40 just to get in the door.
6. The deuce. It's this bus that costs $5 for a 24 hour pass that will take you up and down the entire strip. Very cost efficient but the slowest thing on earth. It took us like 45 minutes to go anywhere, however it was highly entertaining. 2 older women got on with Mardi Gras beads. Nathan asks if they were out partying to which they reply "oh no" Nathan then asks where they got their beads and they answer The Rio. Nathan then leans over to me and asks if i think they showed their tits and comments that they would really only have to lift the very bottom of their shirts in order to show them. Another man got on that mentioned very loudly that he was from Detroit, his name was Rory and then spelt it completely wrong and yelled that he sold his car to purchase a bus pass. Pure class ...
7. Heather's wedding was wonderful and very different. It was in a hotel outside the porn district, Reverand Cotton performed the ceremony and Elvis sang 3 songs. This particular Elvis was apparently rather well known, he's been in movies and such things. However, he was very strange, we were all questioning whether he was perhaps drunk or high as a kite. In any event the whole ceremony was very entertaining and unique. This brings me to the other brides. You see quite a few people walking around in wedding attire and most are very jovial and happy and having a good time. We ran into one women who was pure white trash. She was fat, looked as though she may have been missing teeth, she was wearing a veil and a black tank top with no bra and a white skirt. Her man was wearing a ball cap, a plaid shirt and looked to be quite older. They were sitting in our hotel eating hotdogs at the deli. We decide we need a photo pronto. I take one as they are getting ready to leave and get their backs so as to not be obvious. Nathan approaches the bride and asks if he can have a photo with her. She yells "hold on ma" into her cell phone and rolls her eyes at him. Her man walks over and says "I don't think so" very rudely and they walk off. I was dying laughing.
8. There was this one particular corner of the strip that we spent many hours at, drinking and people watching in the wee hours of the morning. It was insane, the outfits we saw, the people we talked to and the goings on on the corner. We saw a girl surrounded by like 10 guys pissed out of her brain, bending over and jiggling her tits for them, we were sure a gang bang was about to occur. This one man was screaming into his cellphone at the top of his lungs for about 10 minutes, i took a video of the last few seconds of said phone call but have no idea how to post it on here. I saw a 300 pound woman squeeze into a dress that was so short and so tight her ass was literally hanging out. I wish that corner had a webcam set up for all to see, i would watch it religiously.
9. The light show at Fremont Street was also phenomenal. Again i took a video but have no idea how to post it, picture will have to do. We ended up down there during some Nevada Gay Pride day which made the festivities even more entertaining, they even had the protesters out there with their Jesus signs, good lord.
10. I loved Vegas because even though i am not a gambler at all (i mangaged to spend $2 in total on a slot machine) there is so much to see and do. I would love to go back and see the Cirque Du Soleil show "O", i would love to sit on that corner and people watch all day long again for as long as possible. I don't think i've ever laughed so hard as i did sitting on that corner, it was ridiculous.
Rather than bore you with a play by play of what we did, i'd rather just point out why i love Vegas sooooo much. As well as you all know, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas :P
1. Toilets were accessible 24/7. I have the world's smallest bladder even at the best of times when i'm not consuming large amounts of alcohol. It's always a pain in the ass to try and find somewhere that is open or where i don't have to purchase something first. In Vegas there are so many casinos, bars, hotels that are open all the time that it was never a problem to stumble into one while drinking on the street.
2. Which leads me to this one. You can drink anywhere and everywhere. I kept forgetting and would try to finish my drink and then leave wherever i was. When really i could have walked down the street with it to my next location. As well some clubs close at 5am and serve until then. On our last evening there we managed to meet some people from TO and drink till 9am with them at a small bar/casino. This is where we took turns taking pictures with this particular gentleman that was passed out all night long :)
3. The weather was phenomenal. Obviously it is a dry heat so even when it was like 100 degrees it wasn't unbearably hot. Plus i love the sun. I'm like that old lady in There's Something About Mary except i complain non-stop about my developing wrinkles and continue to lay out in the sun anyway.
4. Vegas is so incredibly gaudy and trashy, but at the same time it's beautiful. Everything is done on such a grand scale and the hotels were just amazing. They have pregnant women handing out the porn cards, you know the order her up to your room type of cards right outfront of the beautiful water show at the Bellagio. Best of both worlds i suppose.
5. The locals were extremly helpful. We had one girl who worked at a hotel offer to try and get us passes to a club. She called and left a message that she got them for us and offered to meet us outside the club so that we would have them for the evening. This was great as most of the clubs have enormous cover charges like $30 to $40 just to get in the door.
6. The deuce. It's this bus that costs $5 for a 24 hour pass that will take you up and down the entire strip. Very cost efficient but the slowest thing on earth. It took us like 45 minutes to go anywhere, however it was highly entertaining. 2 older women got on with Mardi Gras beads. Nathan asks if they were out partying to which they reply "oh no" Nathan then asks where they got their beads and they answer The Rio. Nathan then leans over to me and asks if i think they showed their tits and comments that they would really only have to lift the very bottom of their shirts in order to show them. Another man got on that mentioned very loudly that he was from Detroit, his name was Rory and then spelt it completely wrong and yelled that he sold his car to purchase a bus pass. Pure class ...
7. Heather's wedding was wonderful and very different. It was in a hotel outside the porn district, Reverand Cotton performed the ceremony and Elvis sang 3 songs. This particular Elvis was apparently rather well known, he's been in movies and such things. However, he was very strange, we were all questioning whether he was perhaps drunk or high as a kite. In any event the whole ceremony was very entertaining and unique. This brings me to the other brides. You see quite a few people walking around in wedding attire and most are very jovial and happy and having a good time. We ran into one women who was pure white trash. She was fat, looked as though she may have been missing teeth, she was wearing a veil and a black tank top with no bra and a white skirt. Her man was wearing a ball cap, a plaid shirt and looked to be quite older. They were sitting in our hotel eating hotdogs at the deli. We decide we need a photo pronto. I take one as they are getting ready to leave and get their backs so as to not be obvious. Nathan approaches the bride and asks if he can have a photo with her. She yells "hold on ma" into her cell phone and rolls her eyes at him. Her man walks over and says "I don't think so" very rudely and they walk off. I was dying laughing.
8. There was this one particular corner of the strip that we spent many hours at, drinking and people watching in the wee hours of the morning. It was insane, the outfits we saw, the people we talked to and the goings on on the corner. We saw a girl surrounded by like 10 guys pissed out of her brain, bending over and jiggling her tits for them, we were sure a gang bang was about to occur. This one man was screaming into his cellphone at the top of his lungs for about 10 minutes, i took a video of the last few seconds of said phone call but have no idea how to post it on here. I saw a 300 pound woman squeeze into a dress that was so short and so tight her ass was literally hanging out. I wish that corner had a webcam set up for all to see, i would watch it religiously.
9. The light show at Fremont Street was also phenomenal. Again i took a video but have no idea how to post it, picture will have to do. We ended up down there during some Nevada Gay Pride day which made the festivities even more entertaining, they even had the protesters out there with their Jesus signs, good lord.
10. I loved Vegas because even though i am not a gambler at all (i mangaged to spend $2 in total on a slot machine) there is so much to see and do. I would love to go back and see the Cirque Du Soleil show "O", i would love to sit on that corner and people watch all day long again for as long as possible. I don't think i've ever laughed so hard as i did sitting on that corner, it was ridiculous.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Vegas!!!
Well folks we are off to Sin City in the morning. I will be sure to take as many naughty pictures of my fellow travellers as possible and post them promptly when i get home. Stay tuned for some fabulous travel stories. However any stories you may read from my fellow friends regarding moi on the trip will all be lies.... i swear, i'm an angel :)
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Clumsy....
PP and Dawn asked me to write about how clumsy i am. It's like i have two left feet and even though i have been walking for many many years, i seem to find myself sprawled out on the ground more times than not.
The most vivid memory for me is when i was about 18. A bunch of us got a hotel room in TO and drank all night long. We then went to a bar and drank some more. It was winter and very icy. I was in this cute little black PVC dress that i borrowed from Sly. On our way home from the bar this homeless man asked me for a cigarette. . I obliged and as i was walking away from him, i became light headed from digging through my purse and slipped on a patch of ice. I landed with my dress over my head and my ass hanging out for all to see. I went with 2 female friends and about 8 male friends. The men stood around me chanting "I see London I see France, I see Ashley's underpants." Dawn helped me up and helped me to salvage a small part of my dignity.
Another time when i was also around 18 and also wearing that same bloody PVC dress i had a spill. I was dancing on the speakers at the Kingdom and fell backwards into this pit where most people toss their beer bottles. Lucky for me there were no bottles yet, but i landed in this crumpled mess in the hole on some stairs. Strangers ran over to see if i was ok while my friends stood by doubled over from laughing so hard. I got up like a trooper, continued dancing and drinking until the wee hours. At work the next day i was sooooo sore i couldn't even cough and was convinced my ribs were broken. I went to the hospital and they told me to take some pain killers and go home...the doc didn't give me any pain killers booo :(
Last year i went to visit Jennifer and we went out dancing and drinking ( i see a pattern here LOL) at the Dance Cave. At the end of the evening we had to go downstairs to get out of the bar. On our way down the stairs, i must have missed one, and tumbled down about 10 stairs and landed flat on my face at the feet of the bouncer. I just remember Howard standing over me saying "oh my." At least i had pants on this time.
When i was about 19 i worked at a local amusementish type of park. Every payday the employees would go to this bar and spend our hard earned money. Well one day some genious decided it would be a great idea to go and break into the park for shits and giggles. So about 10 of us went along. As we were running down this long dark road to get into the park, i tripped and twisted my ankle. The adrenelene was pumping and i continued on. Inside the park we saw the owner driving around in his truck (rumours were if he saw someone in there he'd shoot first and ask later) so we're running, it's dark and apparently there is a big pile of dirt infront of me which i do not see. My foot lodges in it and i do a superman dive ontop of the pile of dirt. Needless to say we had to hide under this disgusting trailer with bugs everywhere to elude a car driving up the roadway and i wanted to die. At home i woke the whole house up, got some ice for my foot and went for x-rays the next day. Again, nothing was wrong with me.
There was another time with Dawn at Arizona's. I believe we had just finished peeing outside in a field or on the side of a road with her sister. We were walking back to the bar in a field and down i went. Funny thing is, a few seconds later she fell in the exact same spot. Must have been uneven ground, certainly not us LOL.
The strangest time i ever fell was in a bar called Oliver's Twist. I was literally standing at the bar with Dawn ordering a drink. When all of a sudden i'm down on the floor, just laying there. I didn't trip or stumble or anything. She had no idea how i got down there either.
The most embarassing time..oh wait, they all are, was in Cancun. I stumpled off a bus and did a running fall infront of a bus full of people. Scrapped up my legs pretty good and just prayed the bus driver would not run over me while i was trying to peel myself off the pavement.
Perhaps i should start wearing practical shoes to the bar, running shoes maybe?
The most vivid memory for me is when i was about 18. A bunch of us got a hotel room in TO and drank all night long. We then went to a bar and drank some more. It was winter and very icy. I was in this cute little black PVC dress that i borrowed from Sly. On our way home from the bar this homeless man asked me for a cigarette. . I obliged and as i was walking away from him, i became light headed from digging through my purse and slipped on a patch of ice. I landed with my dress over my head and my ass hanging out for all to see. I went with 2 female friends and about 8 male friends. The men stood around me chanting "I see London I see France, I see Ashley's underpants." Dawn helped me up and helped me to salvage a small part of my dignity.
Another time when i was also around 18 and also wearing that same bloody PVC dress i had a spill. I was dancing on the speakers at the Kingdom and fell backwards into this pit where most people toss their beer bottles. Lucky for me there were no bottles yet, but i landed in this crumpled mess in the hole on some stairs. Strangers ran over to see if i was ok while my friends stood by doubled over from laughing so hard. I got up like a trooper, continued dancing and drinking until the wee hours. At work the next day i was sooooo sore i couldn't even cough and was convinced my ribs were broken. I went to the hospital and they told me to take some pain killers and go home...the doc didn't give me any pain killers booo :(
Last year i went to visit Jennifer and we went out dancing and drinking ( i see a pattern here LOL) at the Dance Cave. At the end of the evening we had to go downstairs to get out of the bar. On our way down the stairs, i must have missed one, and tumbled down about 10 stairs and landed flat on my face at the feet of the bouncer. I just remember Howard standing over me saying "oh my." At least i had pants on this time.
When i was about 19 i worked at a local amusementish type of park. Every payday the employees would go to this bar and spend our hard earned money. Well one day some genious decided it would be a great idea to go and break into the park for shits and giggles. So about 10 of us went along. As we were running down this long dark road to get into the park, i tripped and twisted my ankle. The adrenelene was pumping and i continued on. Inside the park we saw the owner driving around in his truck (rumours were if he saw someone in there he'd shoot first and ask later) so we're running, it's dark and apparently there is a big pile of dirt infront of me which i do not see. My foot lodges in it and i do a superman dive ontop of the pile of dirt. Needless to say we had to hide under this disgusting trailer with bugs everywhere to elude a car driving up the roadway and i wanted to die. At home i woke the whole house up, got some ice for my foot and went for x-rays the next day. Again, nothing was wrong with me.
There was another time with Dawn at Arizona's. I believe we had just finished peeing outside in a field or on the side of a road with her sister. We were walking back to the bar in a field and down i went. Funny thing is, a few seconds later she fell in the exact same spot. Must have been uneven ground, certainly not us LOL.
The strangest time i ever fell was in a bar called Oliver's Twist. I was literally standing at the bar with Dawn ordering a drink. When all of a sudden i'm down on the floor, just laying there. I didn't trip or stumble or anything. She had no idea how i got down there either.
The most embarassing time..oh wait, they all are, was in Cancun. I stumpled off a bus and did a running fall infront of a bus full of people. Scrapped up my legs pretty good and just prayed the bus driver would not run over me while i was trying to peel myself off the pavement.
Perhaps i should start wearing practical shoes to the bar, running shoes maybe?
Monday, May 01, 2006
Jeff Martin..............awwwwww
So i had the best weekend of my life thus far. Since i was about 13 i've been obsessed with the band The Tea Party. PP took me to my first TP concert at her highschool LOL about 15 years ago. Ever since then i've been head over heels in love with the lead singer Mr. Jeff Martin, as well as a huge fan of their music. My friend Dawn and i have been to countless concerts, if they play anywhere in our general vicinity we go and see them. It's actually quite ridiculous and even slightly embarassing when I tell people "i'm going to see the Tea Party." I get a lot of "again?" and "haven't you seen them enough?" and "my daughters a groupie" "you're a loser" and so on. Anyway much to our dismay, the band broke up recently and our worlds were shattered.
Until, Jeff Martin decided to move to Ireland and go it alone. Alas, my heart fluttered once more, my obsession could continue. We got wind of a show playing about an hour away from us, but much to my dismay i had an accident with my foot and was not very mobile. I then found out he was playing in our city a few days later, Dawn rushed out and secured our tickets.
So friday night after the gym i get home, turn on my msn and I find a wonderful surprise. My friends girlfriend works at a radio station and he tells me Jeff will be at a local bar drinking. I call Dawn and we're ready in no time. We walk in the door, order a beer and ahhhhh there he is, in the VIP area with a silly little rope and a few couches. We sit at a table close by and admire from afar. I am too embarassed to go and say anything. However, after a few beverages and watching a girl outside say hello and get a picture i figure "fuck it." I've been waiting years for this moment.
For some reason his bus driver decides to strike up a conversation with me outside and i ask him about a picture with Jeff. He says sure, calls Jeff over introduces me and the night begins. Dawn comes out and also meets him and the rest of the guys. We not only chatted with Jeff, but we chatted with Bud the bus driver and Ratesh the tabla player and Mike the drummer who apparently played for Page and Plant as well as the radio girls and the woman from the record label. Mike suggests it's getting cold and Dawn needs a beer, he invites us into the VIP area with them. So for the remainder of the evening we get to shmooze with the love of my life, drink for free and go behind the velvet rope. It was all so surreal.
I'm telling you it pays to be genuinley nice people. Noone else was invited back there, we didn't make asses of ourselves and tell him that we have practically been stalking him for 15 years, nor did we just talk to him. We were yapping with everyone, where as the other people going up to Jeff were only interested in talking to him and ingnoring everyone else. This one group of girls was relentless, constantly going up to him and dragging their friends over outside. Dawn asked one for a Marlborough, the girl refused. Dawn and I had a good giggle that those bitches never made it where we did :) So it was just us and about 8 industry people with him...good times!!!! We danced and drank and sang and talked and drank some more ( PP will be happy to know they ordered chocolate martini shots).
Anyway, so we were all horribly drunk, walked out together and got hugs and kisses at the end of the evening, we didn't shut up about it the whole drive home.
The next day i tell my family, mom tells me not to do drugs with the band at the concert, and my sister tells her that if he tried to rape me i'd probably let him and like it. My mother agreed and looked very nervous LOL.
The show on Saturday was amazing of course with a very strange and eclectic crowd that made "there's your boyfriend" far too easy to play. Dawn and I were leaving when we see Bud walking down the street. He tells us the band will be back inside shortly and we end up talking to him for quite some time. He then brings us on the tour bus to check it out while the band is inside signing autographs. PP asked if i stole anything....I did not. Though Bud did give us each a can of gingerale from the fridge :P
So we go inside, get one last picture and off we go. I was in such a state of *ahhhhhh* that i left my cellphone in the cab on the way home. My mom called it the next day and the woman from the cab company answered. I had to go retrieve it from the dispatch station while my mother gave me dirty looks. She mentioned that i must be so frazzled from all the drugs i did with the band........LOL.....for the record we did not.
Friday, April 28, 2006
He ate the piece of paper...Oh my
So a few funny things this week. I had called a probation officer to find out if my client had been released from prison and left her a message. She in turn called me back and left me one that went something like this:
She stated that the client had indeed been released and she had met with him a few days prior. She reminded him to give me a call and even wrote out my phone number and extension on it. He then proceeded to take the piece of paper, put it in his mouth and "ate it, right infront of me." She commented that apparently he had gone wacko and not to expect a call from him because he no longer had the number as he had eaten it.
At this point I burst into uncontrollable laughter. I'm not sure if it was how she said it or what he actually did, but i could not stop laughing.
PP also reminded me this week in an email of a time i made her burst into uncontrollable laughter. Her parents have a pond behind their house and we decided to go kayaking last summer. My mother kept warning me "whatever you do, don't go in that water it's disgusting and filthy." So of course, i'm trying carefully to get into the bloody kayak but have no idea what i'm doing. I get one leg in, then the other and boom i roll right into the pond. I'm freaking out and trying to get back on the dock because now i think i'm going to grow another head from being in the filth. Needless to say after PP finished laughing at me, we went kayaking. Upon our return to her house, we recanted the story to her mother, she also said "ewe" and made a disgusted looking face at me.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Hands off
So i'm at the grocery store today grabbing some fresh basil as i wanted to make one of those yummy salads with tomatoes, boconcini cheese, olive oil and balsalmic vinegar. Anyway, the cashier looks at my Basil in it's clear plastic encasing, smiles and proceeds to put it right up to her nose and breath in deeply while moaning "mmmmmmmmmmm." She then goes on about how everyone should tie some basil together with a string and hang it in the kitchen because it would just smell "sooooo" good.
I'm half disgusted that her snotty nose just touched my herbs and in a bit of shock. However at the same time i'm slightly amused because i've never ever seen a cashier do such a thing before as it's rather inappropriate. That's what i get for being a cheap ass and going to the store under renovations.
Friday, April 21, 2006
MSN weirdos
Ok, so a friend of mine joined that website Hot or Not years ago. You put your pic up and you can rate people from 1 to 10 and they in turn rate you. It's silly and fun but there are a lot of strange cats out there. Take for instance this gent that i refer to as "man sausage." He somehow made it onto my msn list and in the first few minutes of conversation, he asked me if i ate "man sausage" because i do not eat meat. I was not amused by his humour and chatted with him a few times after that. He was boring and kept asking me to meet him, i told him i did not meet people off the net and i just had my picture up for fun. He's been long removed from my msn. Though every now and again i'll get a "hi" from him, because i just deleted but did not block him. In over a year i have not once replied until last night. I figured i would just tell him the truth that i have no interest in talking to him cause apparently he's too dumb to figure that out on his own.
That apparently did not go over too well and/or he's terribly annoying and stupid to boot.
He sends me a "hello, do you remember me" message to which i reply yes and that i have no desire to chat with him. I told him he never had anything to say and was rude. Here is the rest:
Mikey says:
i do id like to o chat agin and get to know you better i was A JERK BEFORE AND IM SORRY
Miss Ash says:
i really have no interest
Miss Ash says:
but take care
Mikey says:
why are you dating i would like to chat again
Miss Ash says:
yes i am, sorry
Mikey says:
wel then why are you on msn all the time
Miss Ash says:
i talk to my friends on msn, why else would i be on it?
Mikey says:
and im on your msn and you dont want to chat
Miss Ash says:
no you're not on my msn i deleted you a long time ago
Mikey says:
you are on mine is that ok or do you want me to delete it
Miss Ash says:
you can delete it, you never had anything to say and you were rude. I have enough friends.
Mikey says:
well you never gave me a good chance
Miss Ash says:
not my problem i didn't get a good impression, sorry
Mikey says:
well we havent chatted in a while and i was being weird
Miss Ash says:
true however, i have no desire to continue, so you can delete me
Mikey says:
why dont you give me a chance to talk and see what can happen from there
Miss Ash says:
cause i'm dating someone, I already told you that
Mikey says:
we can still chat and be friends
Miss Ash says:
there's no point, i'd rather not you can delete me now, take care
Mikey says:
am i ugly or something
Miss Ash says:
no i already told you and now you are being annoying
Mikey says:
im not like that now
Miss Ash says:
i dont' really care, i have lots of friends, i'm not looking for anymore
Mikey says:
if your seeing someone why you still on hot or not
Mikey says:
my bouz want to meet your friends
Mikey says:
boyz
Miss Ash says:
delete me
Mikey says:
i cant imyy friends want to meet you friends there right here
Miss Ash says:
ok so i will block you then
Miss Ash says:
take care
Mikey says:
why
Mikey says:
i never said anything wrong too you
This was the end of it and i blocked him. GOOD LORD LOL. I obviously lied and said i was seeing someone and he still goes on to be like let's chat and see where it goes. WTF. I also like the if you are dating someone why are you on msn LOL. He also asks me if i want him to delete me, when i reply yes he refuses. When i tell him he is being annoying he replies with "i'm not like that now" LOL. The whole thing about not being able to delete me because his "boyz" want to meet my friends was extremly confusing. No idea what he was talking about LOL. I was so baffled by this moronic conversation that i had to save it and have a good giggle over it. Hope you enjoyed. I no longer add complete strangers to my msn.
That apparently did not go over too well and/or he's terribly annoying and stupid to boot.
He sends me a "hello, do you remember me" message to which i reply yes and that i have no desire to chat with him. I told him he never had anything to say and was rude. Here is the rest:
Mikey says:
i do id like to o chat agin and get to know you better i was A JERK BEFORE AND IM SORRY
Miss Ash says:
i really have no interest
Miss Ash says:
but take care
Mikey says:
why are you dating i would like to chat again
Miss Ash says:
yes i am, sorry
Mikey says:
wel then why are you on msn all the time
Miss Ash says:
i talk to my friends on msn, why else would i be on it?
Mikey says:
and im on your msn and you dont want to chat
Miss Ash says:
no you're not on my msn i deleted you a long time ago
Mikey says:
you are on mine is that ok or do you want me to delete it
Miss Ash says:
you can delete it, you never had anything to say and you were rude. I have enough friends.
Mikey says:
well you never gave me a good chance
Miss Ash says:
not my problem i didn't get a good impression, sorry
Mikey says:
well we havent chatted in a while and i was being weird
Miss Ash says:
true however, i have no desire to continue, so you can delete me
Mikey says:
why dont you give me a chance to talk and see what can happen from there
Miss Ash says:
cause i'm dating someone, I already told you that
Mikey says:
we can still chat and be friends
Miss Ash says:
there's no point, i'd rather not you can delete me now, take care
Mikey says:
am i ugly or something
Miss Ash says:
no i already told you and now you are being annoying
Mikey says:
im not like that now
Miss Ash says:
i dont' really care, i have lots of friends, i'm not looking for anymore
Mikey says:
if your seeing someone why you still on hot or not
Mikey says:
my bouz want to meet your friends
Mikey says:
boyz
Miss Ash says:
delete me
Mikey says:
i cant imyy friends want to meet you friends there right here
Miss Ash says:
ok so i will block you then
Miss Ash says:
take care
Mikey says:
why
Mikey says:
i never said anything wrong too you
This was the end of it and i blocked him. GOOD LORD LOL. I obviously lied and said i was seeing someone and he still goes on to be like let's chat and see where it goes. WTF. I also like the if you are dating someone why are you on msn LOL. He also asks me if i want him to delete me, when i reply yes he refuses. When i tell him he is being annoying he replies with "i'm not like that now" LOL. The whole thing about not being able to delete me because his "boyz" want to meet my friends was extremly confusing. No idea what he was talking about LOL. I was so baffled by this moronic conversation that i had to save it and have a good giggle over it. Hope you enjoyed. I no longer add complete strangers to my msn.
Monday, April 17, 2006
Salad Fingers
Salad Fingers is a flash cartoon character created by David Firth. My sister said some of her students introduced her to this cartoon and she in turn showed me.
The main character is called Salad Fingers. He's this strange green man with long, green fingers which are very sensitive to rough surfaces. Salad Fingers will stimulate himself by rubbing his fingers on such objects as rusty nails, rusty tea kettles, metal jail-cell bars and nettles.
Salad Fingers has a strange habit of providing narration for other characters rather than engaging in actual conversation, even if the characters are living beings capable of speech. He speaks with an English accent and has these horrible teeth, full of blood and mould.
The newest episode came out in January Episode 7. It's as strange as the rest of them, however my favorite is still Episode #4 The Cage, in which a little boy takes a liking to Salad Fingers. Anyway, check it out, see what you think. Each episode is fairly short, less than 5 minutes. I'm sure you'll agree, he's a strange but enjoyable character.
Salad Fingers Episode #4
David Firth's Website
You can view the other 6 Episodes on his site, click Cartoons and look for Salad Fingers.
The main character is called Salad Fingers. He's this strange green man with long, green fingers which are very sensitive to rough surfaces. Salad Fingers will stimulate himself by rubbing his fingers on such objects as rusty nails, rusty tea kettles, metal jail-cell bars and nettles.
Salad Fingers has a strange habit of providing narration for other characters rather than engaging in actual conversation, even if the characters are living beings capable of speech. He speaks with an English accent and has these horrible teeth, full of blood and mould.
The newest episode came out in January Episode 7. It's as strange as the rest of them, however my favorite is still Episode #4 The Cage, in which a little boy takes a liking to Salad Fingers. Anyway, check it out, see what you think. Each episode is fairly short, less than 5 minutes. I'm sure you'll agree, he's a strange but enjoyable character.
Salad Fingers Episode #4
David Firth's Website
You can view the other 6 Episodes on his site, click Cartoons and look for Salad Fingers.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Happy HNT
I got my 1st pedicure ever today. It tickled like crazy but i sucked it up. I'm off for 5 days and it's a beautiful sunny day outside, i'm in a fantastic mood!!
Monday, April 10, 2006
Our Friendship is like S & M....
So i went to visit Jennifer this weekend. We shopped, had a bite to eat and then went to see my friends band play. I had never seen them before but thought the music would be punk.....turned out it was more like gun's n roses. However, the singer reminded us of Jack Black when he danced and was quite entertaining. We were sitting beside one another on a bench, facing the right where the stage was, when some random guy pulls up a chair at our table and proceeds to stare at us. I refused to look at him but i could feel it, and then he started to flail his arms around like a madman trying to get our attention. It was horrifying. He also decided to take the candle off the table and light up a smoke.....in the non smoking bar, pure class. We figured he wanted to show us his rebellious side. So after us laughing and whispering "There's your boyfriend" to one another, he got up and wandered off. We went outside and some guy who works in the porn industry, so he says, decided to chat with us and another girl. He was in marketing or something, anyway i thought he was rather attractive and Jennifer was disgusted. We go back inside and turns out he's friends with the rebel, yikes.
Saturday night we went to see her boyfriends band play, then walked back to her apartment for some drinks with everyone. On the way she tried non chalantly to tell her friend to take a picture of us walking, so she could compare our asses as she's been losing weight and thinks hers is smaller than mine...nice try :)
So the drinks flow and we're out on her balcony with a bunch of people and i'm looking in the windows of the apartment building next door. I mention a guy watching tv sitting with his legs up and Jennifer yells, "they're naked." Turns out i was looking in the wrong window, the next one over had a naked couple finishing the deed and then cuddling. We missed most of the action, and they eventually turned the lights out...Jennifer then said that her and the bf should really get some curtains.
Off we go after too many glasses of wine to a bar to dance the night away. A fight begins to break out between two guys and their friends are holding them back, and the dance floor clears into this big empty circle. This guy goes down into the centre of the circle and puts his hands out as if too stop the fight. Then he starts to smile and move his arms around and just starts grooving to the music and everyone else followed suit. It was hilarious. Later on he tried to hang off of Jennifer and she walked away disgusted. He then proceeded to dance my way, but her male friend saw me roll my eyes and saved me.
On our way to breakfast this morning, her friend was intriuged by our banter towards one another. As you know we have the Biggest Loser competition and we've made an agreement to call each other horribly mean names among other things. So he said he wished him and her bf would do something like that. Jennifer then went on to say they should, and compared our friendship to S & M, there are rules, you need to have a safe word, it's painful and wonderful all at the same time :)
Saturday night we went to see her boyfriends band play, then walked back to her apartment for some drinks with everyone. On the way she tried non chalantly to tell her friend to take a picture of us walking, so she could compare our asses as she's been losing weight and thinks hers is smaller than mine...nice try :)
So the drinks flow and we're out on her balcony with a bunch of people and i'm looking in the windows of the apartment building next door. I mention a guy watching tv sitting with his legs up and Jennifer yells, "they're naked." Turns out i was looking in the wrong window, the next one over had a naked couple finishing the deed and then cuddling. We missed most of the action, and they eventually turned the lights out...Jennifer then said that her and the bf should really get some curtains.
Off we go after too many glasses of wine to a bar to dance the night away. A fight begins to break out between two guys and their friends are holding them back, and the dance floor clears into this big empty circle. This guy goes down into the centre of the circle and puts his hands out as if too stop the fight. Then he starts to smile and move his arms around and just starts grooving to the music and everyone else followed suit. It was hilarious. Later on he tried to hang off of Jennifer and she walked away disgusted. He then proceeded to dance my way, but her male friend saw me roll my eyes and saved me.
On our way to breakfast this morning, her friend was intriuged by our banter towards one another. As you know we have the Biggest Loser competition and we've made an agreement to call each other horribly mean names among other things. So he said he wished him and her bf would do something like that. Jennifer then went on to say they should, and compared our friendship to S & M, there are rules, you need to have a safe word, it's painful and wonderful all at the same time :)
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
PMS City
Gentleman you may want to skip this post, i'm sure it will be rather whiney and bitchy. That being said, i become an emotional disaster when it's that time of the month. I'm like Jekyll & Hyde, i can turn from being extremely sad to being quite irrational within seconds, over a period of a few days. I'm very aware of this and try to keep myself in control, generally removing myself from certain situations that i know will put me over the edge and make me lose it.
Today wasn't horrible, but for example i was talking to my co-workers about RSP's and i literally started to tear up. I wiped my eye and told them i had an eyelash in it. No logical reason for this to happen to me, who gets upset when learning about such a thing LOL. The rest of the day was fine, i was a bit short with a few of my clients but nothing of importance. I went to the gym, worked out in my usual class and drove home. I made it through about 5 minutes of dinner, before raging Miss Ash started to rear her ugly head. My mother was telling my father a story that i had already heard that day, i grew impatient, felt my blood boiling and my head began to pound. I sighed and told her "i already heard this today" got up, slammed a few drawers, stomped upstairs and finished my dinner alone in my room. I find out my favorite show Amazing Race is on tonight instead of it's usual night, but by the time i figure this out, i've missed half of it "son of a bitch." My mother brings up some tea to my room, which i take one sip of, and slam the mug back down "you know i don't like sugar in my tea." Quike frankly the no sugar thing is new for me so she probably had no idea i did not take it anymore.
I then begin to read the paper and a horrible article about this man in Ottawa who killed his wife and 3 kids, and then set himself on fire. His wife had a restraining order against him. So i mumble to my mother about how restraining orders are bullshit and this is like the 3rd woman to die at the hands of an abusive partner in the past week. She agreed, left the room and i started to cry. So all day i've been up and down with my emotions, developed a terrible headache and have puffy eyes. Sad to say, this was not even a remotely bad PMS day for me, usually my behavior is much more dreadfull, I generally appear extremely agitated and i'm short with people to the point of being rude. However, in that moment i could give a shit. Any other Jekyll and Hydes out there?
Today wasn't horrible, but for example i was talking to my co-workers about RSP's and i literally started to tear up. I wiped my eye and told them i had an eyelash in it. No logical reason for this to happen to me, who gets upset when learning about such a thing LOL. The rest of the day was fine, i was a bit short with a few of my clients but nothing of importance. I went to the gym, worked out in my usual class and drove home. I made it through about 5 minutes of dinner, before raging Miss Ash started to rear her ugly head. My mother was telling my father a story that i had already heard that day, i grew impatient, felt my blood boiling and my head began to pound. I sighed and told her "i already heard this today" got up, slammed a few drawers, stomped upstairs and finished my dinner alone in my room. I find out my favorite show Amazing Race is on tonight instead of it's usual night, but by the time i figure this out, i've missed half of it "son of a bitch." My mother brings up some tea to my room, which i take one sip of, and slam the mug back down "you know i don't like sugar in my tea." Quike frankly the no sugar thing is new for me so she probably had no idea i did not take it anymore.
I then begin to read the paper and a horrible article about this man in Ottawa who killed his wife and 3 kids, and then set himself on fire. His wife had a restraining order against him. So i mumble to my mother about how restraining orders are bullshit and this is like the 3rd woman to die at the hands of an abusive partner in the past week. She agreed, left the room and i started to cry. So all day i've been up and down with my emotions, developed a terrible headache and have puffy eyes. Sad to say, this was not even a remotely bad PMS day for me, usually my behavior is much more dreadfull, I generally appear extremely agitated and i'm short with people to the point of being rude. However, in that moment i could give a shit. Any other Jekyll and Hydes out there?
Sunday, April 02, 2006
April Fools
I'm not much of a jokster and therefore have never really played any April Fools jokes on anyone....that i can remember at least. I did however want to try the old saran wrap on the toilet one, but then thought of my parents pissing all over themselves and making me clean up the mess. I didn't do it.
I read about some magician who plays jokes on his neighbour every year. He sneaks into her house when she is out (which i found rather odd) and one year changed the labels on her canned food, put saran wrap on her toilet...stuff like that.
I've also heard of the old exlax in chocolates or baked goods, but have yet to actually do that to anyone.
A woman on the radio told her dad that she was pregnant. He was ecstatic and over joyed, then she told him April Fools and he was so disappointed. I guess for years he's been bothering her to have children and thought it was actually time. She wanted to get him back for being so relentless about it.
My co-workers will often play practical jokes on one another, which are harmless but hilarious. One time goopy green goo was stuck into one woman's pocket. When she went to reach for her keys she got a nice surprise. She retaliated by putting vaseline all over the other jokesters phone, keyboard and door handle. It was everywhere.
Have any of you played any practical jokes? I know PP sent a sample of KY Jelly to my house under my alias LOL.
I read about some magician who plays jokes on his neighbour every year. He sneaks into her house when she is out (which i found rather odd) and one year changed the labels on her canned food, put saran wrap on her toilet...stuff like that.
I've also heard of the old exlax in chocolates or baked goods, but have yet to actually do that to anyone.
A woman on the radio told her dad that she was pregnant. He was ecstatic and over joyed, then she told him April Fools and he was so disappointed. I guess for years he's been bothering her to have children and thought it was actually time. She wanted to get him back for being so relentless about it.
My co-workers will often play practical jokes on one another, which are harmless but hilarious. One time goopy green goo was stuck into one woman's pocket. When she went to reach for her keys she got a nice surprise. She retaliated by putting vaseline all over the other jokesters phone, keyboard and door handle. It was everywhere.
Have any of you played any practical jokes? I know PP sent a sample of KY Jelly to my house under my alias LOL.
