So it finally happened......I cried at work!

I was left alone (again) to see clients who may I remind you have charges such as manslaughter, robbery, kidnapping, aggravated assault. It wasn't intentional, but it happened and I've asked and asked how to fix this staffing issue and so have others. We never seem to get any answers. It's usually a "thanks for bringing this to our attention, as you know this is not a new issue and we are looking at our practices and how to fix the situation." It's all lip service as no solutions have been brought forth.

There's a myriad of other problems that I won't waste my energy venting about on here, but obviously there has been a build up of frustration brewing inside of me and I lost it. A co-worker popped in to pick something up "are you okay" she asked. I said that yes I was fine but she wouldn't leave it at that as she could clearly see that I was not. She asked again and I burst into tears.

A few minutes later one of the managers popped in unexpectedly on her day off. The poor woman walks into my office and asks how things are going to which I again burst into tears. She had to spend half of her day off talking to me and listening to my frustrations. I do like her and feel that she will at least try to do something to rectify the situation cause I know that she gets it....but time will tell.

Thankfully it was my last day in for the next week and a half as I've taken the last of my vacation time for the year. I probably would have taken a sick leave if I didn't have this time off as clearly I need to chill out and take a break.

Anyway, this cry baby is off to the States to do some Black Friday shopping!! And I do have a hot stone massage booked for next week! Cheers!

(Picture from this site)

I taped an episode of Dateline 3 months ago and watched about 2 minutes of it. Nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to see and I was so disturbed by the images I had to shut it off. I saved the episode as I knew it was important for me to watch and was finally able to do so a few evenings ago.

Dateline gained access to mental institutions in Serbia that warehouse thousands of children and adults. Many are kept in cribs never to be let out. They often stop growing and their bodies become contorted and atrophied. Staffing is an issue at these places and many of the people are tied down to their beds for hours at a time. Doctors in Serbia encourage parents of mentally disabled children to send them to such places never to look back. The Kulina Institution holds close to 600 children and adults crammed into cribs. They have one part time physical therapist for all of these patients.

I was actually shocked by one gentleman on the program who cried repeatedly while telling his story. His son was born with Down syndrome and was sent away to live at an institution for the remainder of his life. The guy talked about wanting to see his son and how he thought about him every single day. Dateline found his child and I thought he would surely run out and save the boy after seeing the conditions he was living in. Not so......he said that he hoped one day to go and visit him. WHAT???? I was flabbergasted.....I still have no words.

I feel at a loss for what to do but something needs to be done and it needs to be done NOW!! I am in absolute disbelief that in 2008 developmentally delayed people are being treated this way. The institutions don't have enough staff and people are essentially caged until they die.

I want to hop on a plane right now and just hold them. Can you imagine a lifetime without human touch??? A haunting clip shows a young boy repeatedly punching his ears until they bleed. Many will self harm just to feel something rather than to feel nothing.

(Picture from this site)

Behind Closed Doors: An unprecedented look inside Serbia's mental institutions

I took the following few paragraphs from this website which I urge you to visit. It's an overview of the Dateline program I watched.

"As the geopolitical struggle over the independence of Kosovo from Serbia continues, with war never far from the minds of many, there is an unseen class of people in Serbia whose lives are at risk regardless of the outcome.
They are the estimated 17,000 mentally disabled children and adults who for decades have been systematically warehoused in remote, government-run mental institutions. They are facilities that are unknown to most Serbs, let alone the rest of the world — and perhaps for good reason.
In the course of a yearlong investigation, we gained unprecedented access to institutions across Serbia and found alarming, sometimes life-threatening, conditions. Adults and children — some with only mild symptoms of Down syndrome or cerebral palsy — were crammed into fetid rooms and metal cribs, their bodies often emaciated, atrophied or disfigured. Some had been confined to cribs for years, their bodies conforming to the small space inside the railings. "

This is what I woke up to a few evenings ago and let me tell you I was less than pleased. Snow already……seriously!!! Thankfully I’m a smart cookie and prepared last week for the impending doom that is winter:

Snow TiresRustproofing

I had no choice but to brave the roads last night as I had an important appointment that was scheduled a month ago. Fortunately I made it in one piece; unfortunately a drive that would normally take 45 minutes took over 2 hours due to the shoddy road conditions mixed in with a bit of rush hour traffic.

I listened intently to the radio for any news about accidents and such and saw a few minor fender benders but nothing too major. I did come across two cars in front of me twirling around thanks to the black ice that had collected on the road. One spun around two lanes and ended up facing on coming traffic; the driver managed to get back on track and pulled over. Pretty scary stuff considering it’s a major highway with 5 lanes of traffic. Thankfully they managed to come out unscathed though I held my breath as I passed that particular dip in the road. It’s not too promising when you see cars spinning like tops in front of you and others stopped on the shoulder of the road as they too had hit the ice moments earlier.

I really really hate winter!!

Goal List Update

Working On:

#5 Achieve BMI of 24.9 or less

Well I have been doing relatively well with this goal. From February - August I lost 30 pounds and from August until now I have been maintaining that loss haha!! After the accident I sort of took a hiatus from the gym however I am back at it and have the aches and pains to prove it. I've also stopped eating they yummy delightful food in the above photo. Seriously the best chip wagon poutine and shrimp EVER!!!

Or this ginormous fried panzaratti that could take a week to eat! How I miss them so *sniff*

#10 Learn to play guitar/bass well enough to play one song

I had my first guitar lesson last week and found it rather challenging as I had difficulty reaching my fingers around the neck due to my very small hands. Apparently they will "stretch out" eventually. I was a bit frustrated as I was hoping it would come easily to me and it just didn't. My teacher explained that everything is difficult at first, I guess I just haven't tried to learn something like this in such a long long time that I forgot I wouldn't be a pro at it from the get go. Baby steps Ash, baby steps!!

#35 Read all of the unread books on my shelf 4/35

I clearly need to finish one book before I start the next because right now I have 3 on the go. My new goal for my goal is to finish reading one before I start another one!

#41 Visit 15 of my placements at work 11/15

So as I mentioned previously this is no longer in my job description however an opportunity came up and I was able to visit 5 more placements. I just have to figure out how I can get the other 4 in!

Completed:

#13 Watch a Bond Movie

I borrowed two Bond films from my friend about two years ago (sorry) and I FINALLY decided to watch Goldeneye. It was quite as expected with a lot of fighting and action. I'll probably watch another one at some point in my life (perhaps the one 2DP had talked about...only for the naked Bond scene) but I'm not rushing out to rent them.

#51 Dye my hair a new colour (IE black)

Well I certainly did not go that extreme but I was ready for a change and got rid of the blonde. I'm now sporting a more brown/caramel colour. It's alright......I was actually thinking of doing a few purple strips again just for fun.

#64 Attend a movie at the theatre alone

I went to see the Changeling all by my lonesome and you know what...it wasn't that bad after all. In fact I'm not sure why I haven't done this before. In total there were about 15 people in the theatre 3 of which were alone. I did end up going to a matinee as I'm not yet ready for a Friday night solo however it was a super foggy/rainy day and I did think that the theatre would be a lot busier than it actually was. Phew I didn't see anyone I knew :)

#65 Go skinny dipping

Well this one is self explanatory so no details from this gal!! But I will tell you that I enjoyed it :)

I want to know your age cutoff for dating someone......I used to say (well I still do but obviously I'm kidding) 16-69 was fair game.

When does it start to get creepy? I'm 30 .......

Discuss......

I tend to embarrass myself every now and again when I've had a few too many drinks. Every year the bar that I play volleyball for has an anniversary party and every year I tie one on. They have a two hour customer appreciation window which may or may not involve free drinks. I only had two but I did continue to drink and drink as the evening progressed.

I went super early 7 PM as the friend I went with wanted to go for a few and leave by 9 PM. Well one thing lead to another and I left around 12:45 AM and she stayed until well past 3 AM. I took a liking to the singer of the band (which turns out is a friend of the gal I went with) and I decided I wanted a few photos taken with him. I wanted to be non chalant and danced with the owner of the bar positioning myself in front of the singer whereby LD would take a photo. Clearly as you can see I was anything but non chalant! Oops!!

Later on LD and G left me at the bar while they waited for the facilities. Next thing LD sees is the singer beside me at the bar and I'm taking photos of myself with his hat on. Nooooo idea what I said or how that happened but when she told me the story the next day I was mortified. Clearly I should never be left alone while drinking because my inhibitions fly out the window. I don't remember leaving nor if I said goodbye to G (granted she had no idea if she said goodbye to me either when we were chatting the next day) and I woke up in a dress shirt from my closet rather than the PJ's I had placed on my bed before I left. I was a disaster to say the least!

Ummm yeah......such a hot picture!!

I am going to have to see this guy again at some point and will want to crawl under the table when I do. Actually he will probably want to do the same thing to try and hide from the crazy drunk girl!!

For months and months I've had the TV show Departures taking up space on my Tivo. I love to watch such shows and wanted to be able to fully enjoy each and every episode. I finally got around to watching a few episodes and it really really makes me want to get out there and travel again.

It's a travel show based on two friends (Scott & Justin) and one camera man (Andre). They have taken a break from their regular lives, work, friends and families to travel around the world.

In New Zealand they meet up with a friend "Ellis" who puts them up for a few nights and takes them on many an adventure. This guy actually built his own home and has a huge shed outside full of outdoorsy type things. Buckets and buckets full of paddles, boats, motors you name it, he has it. Ellis takes them white water rafting, rappelling, snorkeling.......he even lets them swim around with the sea lions while he catches dinner. The man is amazing!! Scott and Luke often talk about how Ellis pushes people to step out of their box and go beyond what they feel is their potential. It was very inspiring to watch Ellis and see his accomplishments.....I obviously wasn't even there and yet he makes me want to try new things and test my boundries!!

The two go off on their own and decide to find any type of "extreme" activity. Justin bungee jumps off the highest place in NZ and both men go sky diving.

In Thailand Justin signs up for a Thai Boxing type of fight and of course is second guessing his choice later on as he's not a fighter. He perseveres and checks off yet another crazy adventure from his list. I mean really, how many of us would be in Thailand and join up to fight a professional in front of an audience just for the experience??

I still have about 8 episodes left to watch, Cambodia and India to name a few. I am really enjoying this show thus far as I love to see how other people live, the various cultures, the different foods and of course how people from around the world welcome strangers with open arms and great big smiles.

After all, we are much more similar to those living thousands of miles away than we think!!

Halloween is my favorite "holiday" of the year. I love the atmosphere with the crisp cool air and the beautiful colours of the leaves. Don't get me wrong I am a summer gal at heart.....but I do enjoy fall as well.

I was far too tired to actually go out on October 31st as I had just gotten back from a long working trip however there was a costume party on the 1st that a few of my friends and I attended.

Unfortunately one of the gals ate a four day old piece of lasagna and felt sick all night. The band played good tunes but didn't sound all that great, we had a good time nonetheless.

There was this creepy old guy who kept trying to sit with us and talk. He was clearly two sheets to the wind and put his arms around my waist while I was trying to walk by at one point. I yelled a few choice words but don't think it really mattered, he was wasted. Grabby hands fell asleep many a time throughout the evening.

I did love the costumes though and here are a few of my favs:

From afar I thought this guy was a giant condom, then I got up close and read his jacket. I thought it said something else and couldn't figure out why the swim team would be in hoodies....then M pointed out he was a giant sperm...ahhhhh...his jacket said "fallopian swim team"

Smurfette and myself

A giant hockey puck which I thought was an M & M for the longest time....clearly I need to wear my glasses while out in public

Ahhh the Paperbag Princess.....I love that story!!

Amy Winehouse, she looked great.

The Joker, he also did a really good job! He even had a nurse uniform on underneath his pants.

Our cab ride home was rather interesting. Our driver started to tell us some story about a passenger offering him a service while her boyfriend sat in the seat next to her. For some reason the driver took a liking to me and I was happy to get out of there as quickly as I could.

The next day LD and I were hankering for some IHOP. The last time we tried to go there was a horrendous lineup. This time we pulled in the driveway right beside another car and parked next to them. I swear it must have looked like we were on the amazing race trying to beat another team, we had our seat belts off, sunroof up in seconds and we bolted out of the car. We get to the restaurant and there are only a few occupied tables haha....but at least we beat them in!!!

I had a very very busy weekend. I went on a haunted walk, to a birthday party and to see a play. I am rather exhausted (4 hours of sleep will do that to you) so this is going to be a rather short post.

The walk was super creepy and the weather helped to make it so. It was extremely windy, dark and rainy as we walked along an old fort listening to tales of days past and the sightings of today. I was very grateful that "sue ann" did not decide to tag along on our walk........the little girl from the 1800's or the spector seen in the mirror. It was creepy enough just to hear the stories.

The birthday party was a lot of fun. I haven't had a chance to get out that way in quite some time nor have I been out partying with that group in ages. Plans got a bit mucked up due to bar lines and separate cabs but we eventually met back up again once the bars had closed. It was weird though, we found this little bar that none of us had ever been to and we saw groups of people leaving (which would make one think the place sucks). I stopped a girl to ask her if the bar was any good to which she replied that it was. She then continued to stand with my friends and I for quite some time, not talking, just standing there. It was rather awkward and I eventually walked away to "make a phone call" only to find stalker girl in the bar moments later. Every time I turned around there she was.....lurking.....it was very odd. Note to self, no more talking to strangers.

There was much laughter, (especially at 3:30am when a knock at the door produced a random girl looking for another party) lots of drinking and yours truly did not arrive back to J's house until 4:30am yikes!! Her neighbours had left out a pogo ball so I thought it would be a great idea to give it a spin.....we were all surprised that I A) did not break my neck and B) that I did not break the ball! Good Times!!

The morning came far too quickly as I had to be home in time for the play. I really did enjoy the show however the lack of sleep made it a challenge to keep my eyes open. I also had my usual Sunday Funday planned with my vball team but had to cancel as I was running on fumes. I couldn't possibly have made it out as I am going to be away due to work for a few days and I still need to pack! Ahhhhhh.......

I always find it interesting that some weekends are super quiet and others are just so full and it's next to impossible to fit everything in......but I try.....oh yes I do!!!

My best friend is a bit of a funny gal. She purchased snail cream (made with snail secretions) off of the internet a few years ago for a reason that I am not at liberty to discuss. There was also a diaper incident many moons ago for which I have been sworn to secrecy however, she agreed to let me talk about her latest purchase……eyebrow wigs!!!

You see BF was having a hard time shaping her eyebrows just so, they were too bushy, too arched then too thin until one day she decided she’d had enough and plucked each and every last one out. OUCH!!!

A new dilemma ensued…...she was now bald above her eyelids and needed a quick fix pronto. She researched and came across this site for the eyebrow challenged. They seriously sell eyebrow wigs….made with human hair!! BF purchased said wigs and gave them a go however she was allergic to the adhesive and was not able to wear them (thank god). I almost died laughing when she showed me her quick fix, oh my!!!

Since the odd purchase her eyebrow hair has grown back in (though it’s a bit on the sparse side) and she has started to use brow powder to make them just right!!

I had no idea that eyebrow wigs even existed……I wonder what other unique items are out there????

A few of the gals and myself went out again on Friday evening. LD spotted an interesting looking guy and said "There's your boyfriend" when all of a sudden it dawned on me.....it was the swiffer!!!! Oh the joy!! Finally we were able to see his dance moves in real life! Disappoint he did not as he kept to his regular routine of bending over and shaking his ass, I loved it!!

This guy was getting a lot of attention at the bar as he was sooooooo tall, 7 feet to be exact. Take that Big Ben!!

I kept trying to do the "wow look how tall he is" face but I just look silly instead ha!
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My cell died on Friday evening and I thought I had left my charger at work BAH!!! My friend has a phone similar to mine and we figured her charger would fit my phone. I went over in my super comfy clothes and sadly it did not work. I actually debated going to Bell World and buying a car charger after going home and changing of course ( I was looking mildly homeless).

I actually found the bloody thing in a bag a little while later but it got me thinking. What the fuck was I doing? Have I become so dependent on the thing that I can't live without it for 2 days? I didn't have any pressing phone calls to make or texts to send out but by god I needed my cell to work. Clearly I have an unhealthy attachment to my phone....anyone else have this problem??

I had much more sleep than I normally do last night however I woke up feeling groggy and awful. My eyes looked a bit puffy and red; I knew it was going to be a bad day. I dragged my ass to the grocery store early in the AM to grab some oatmeal as I didn't have any breaky at work. I meandered around aimlessly searching for the bloody oatmeal and finally asked a worker to point me in the right direction. It took her a while to answer...."ummmmm baking section" so I asked which aisle that would be "ummmm" she looked around "ummmm, ahh" finally she blurts out aisle five. I'm running late now, grab the box and head to the only check out open except as one can expect there is no cashier in sight. Eventually one saunters up and I feel my blood pressure rising. So not only am I tired, puffy eyed and cranky but now I'm a bit pissed.

I get to work and my pressure goes up and up as the day goes on. Our move has not been smooth and there are a million unanswered questions. We've been refused a meeting with management to discuss such issues and have been told to send correspondence via email. I have clients who are lost/wandering around/showing up at my door unexpectedly and it's been absolute chaos for the past two weeks.

Today was my breaking point....I sent off an email or two expressing my concerns/disgust I demanded someone show me how to use a machine (I've been asking for two weeks to be shown) I received a snotty email in return and it took all of my strength not to leave.

Truth be told I have a rather short fuse and the smallest of things can irk me. I do try to be relatively cordial under such circumstances.....but.....when I am beyond angry I can be a wicked wicked woman!

She came out today and it wasn't pretty. I have a feeling she may make another appearance tomorrow as well. I hope they have plenty of band aids to sop up their wounds cause I have a quick wit and a sharp sharp tongue that will pierce right through. My gloves are off.....

I ended up staying out on both Friday and Saturday nights until 4am .... oops!

Friday night I went to see Tony Bennett (not by choice) and had a good laugh. The average age in the audience was about 65 and my sister and I were smushed in between his biggest fans. The woman beside me sang along to every song, squealed with delight at Tonys moves and cried like a baby throughout the show. At the end of his performance the theatre staff wheeled out walker after walker after walker and wheelchair after wheelchair. My sister and I were laughing so hard. She commented that "it wasn't so bad" and this older woman shot her the dirtiest look.

I ended up going out with a friend for a few pints after the show then of course to the casino till the wee hours of the morning. I'm not a gambler but he is and wanted some company. I strolled in around 4:30am.

On Saturday evening I again found myself at the casino but not to gamble, it was a girls night out at the bar. We picked the perfect location as it was a huge sausage fest at the casino. The world poker tour was in full effect and there were men as far as the eye could see. I was surprised at how many of them came over to say hello to a table of 8 women. I figured our numbers would intimidate them but not so. There was this guy:

I forget why I asked this gentleman to pose like this but he was a good sport:

another one:

So needless to say we had a good time. Four of us decided to hit up a late night diner for some greasy treats to help soak up the booze. That jug of water sure came in handy!!

I was a little bit disappointed that we did not run into this guy!!! Apparently he is well known in the area for his interesting dance moves and has thus been dubbed the swiffer. The band even said "When is the swiffer coming?" Damn it!!! Ah well next time!



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Tomorrow on Oprah (Tues October 14th) will be a show about animals and how ones food gets from the farm to the table. Just in case anyone is interested in such a show, I know I am :)

I read an interesting article in the paper a few weeks back regarding an ever so popular social networking site and its advertisements. Apparently this site tries to post ads ( in the margins) based on the information in your profile. The woman who wrote the article stated she changed her information to include "engaged" and was then bombarded with ads about being a fat bride and losing weight before the big day. When her status changed to "married" she began to receive advertisements on fertility and pregnancy.

I took note oh yes I did, I wanted to know exactly what kind of a feel my profile was giving off.

Tanning at Fabutan

Criminal Mind Trivia/Survivor Trivia

Oprah Acai Berry Diet

And a plethora of singles ads

I started to pay better attention and apparently my profile is shouting: Too Pale, Into Deviants/Watches too much TV, Fat and well Single!! Flattering.....not at all.....but I do find the whole thing a bit funny.

What do the advertisements in your margins say??

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It's a long weekend for us up in Canada so to my fellow Canucks a very Happy Thanksgiving to you all. I asked my family if they would like to feast upon a Tofurkey this year.....the consensus was a big fat NO!!! Ah well, I tried :)

As well a reminder, do not forget to vote on the 14th!!!

The drive up to the cottage was rather creepy in the evening. We were surrounded by cornfields and dirt roads BAH!!! I'm always afraid deer are going to run out and die on my car.....good thing we only saw a cat by the road and a poor raccoon whose carcass lay chopped in half. I'm embarrassed to say that the deer thing is purely for selfish reasons, I hear that they can ruin a car with one hit.

The weekend was a very carefree one. LD and I discussed ourselves as being somewhat "man repellent" which was hilarious, I almost died laughing when she described it as such.

Toasted marshmallows were on the menu.....did I mention that I like mine black?? The marshmallows you dirty people....the marshmallows!!!

We played a few games to pass the time, mainly HorseBalls (which I really really suck at) and air hockey (which I really really rock at).

I've never used a chainsaw before and begged the guys to let me try. After far too many "are you kidding" "no way" kinda comments they gave in and let me give it a shot. I gotta say I lasted all of 30 seconds and didn't even cut through the log. I couldn't believe the vibrations; my fingertips went numb and I felt the chainsaw slowly slipping out of my grip to the ground. I thought it might land on my cute little toes so I gave up!

We of course sat by the fire and drank beer after beer well into the wee hours of the morning. That was on the first night, the second night I was in bed by 1 AM haha clearly I'm a lightweight.

The stars were absolutely spectacular on our first evening there. I can't recall a time that I've seen so many twinkling away all at once, it was just so beautiful. And the air.....that wonderful fresh air there is nothing like it!!

I had a really good time this weekend. I pigged out, laughed, played silly games and drank far too much all while surrounded by great friends....what could be better?