Low pile carpeting vs disco bush.....

So there has been a lot of discussion lately between a few friends and myself regarding women and their sense of tidiness down there. I will admit that i have let the "carpeting" as Jennifer calls it, get a little untidy now and again. Unfortunately it is at the most inopportune times but i digress. Generally i like to keep in under control. Once i even went as far as to get one of those Brazilian/LA waxes....hmmmm you have no idea the level of pain that accompanied that experience. I think the woman doing it had finished like 2 strips when i tried to get up and say that was fine it was enough i didn't want anymore done to me....afterall why was i paying for the torture? Alas she finished the job and i felt much like i'd imagine a pornstar would feel with my little "landing strip" as they are called. I didn't want to go completely bare or else i'd feel like a 6 year old. It was an interesting albeit painful experience that involved a stranger near my genitals and popsicle sticks....Good times LOL.

I told my friend a funny story the other day about my at the time disco bush and she told me she has an appointment to get a brazilian. She sent me this in my email and said i should take their advice:

"Sexual intercourse itself doesn't feel any better or worse with a brazilian, but your new-found adoration of your pruned privet heightens your sexual confidence.
As well as sexier, you feel cleaner too. However scarce our English summers, when it is hot outside, you can be sure that you'll feel breezy, cool and fresh inside. So, now that you look neater, feel cleaner and more sexually rampant, why would you ever go back to a steamy, unkempt, full bush?"

Now i know what Jennifer says "low pile carpeting means high traffic area" ....

What does everyone else think....neat and tidy is better or let it grow au natural?

HNT

My appologies, i've been terribly busy and and it's so fucking cold outside *sigh* i hate the snow and i'm just on my way to volunteer but wanted to put up a quick HNT picture. Those are my eyes :)

I will copy one of the comments in my Embarassing Moments section though courtesy of Melissa that she just left me....it's good for a giggle.

She wrote:
I'm not quite sure if this would classify as an embarrassing moment to you at the time. but it was when you were drunk and were with Luca and I (a nice friend) allowed you to stay at my house. After your evening you came back to my house and had a lil trouble with my door locks and you had to pee and couldn't wait so you peed where my dog goes to the bathroom infront of the man you were dating for a short while....and the next morning my lovely dog smelled it and rolled all over in it!!!

Body Worlds 2

On Saturday my sister and I decided to go see Body Worlds 2: The Anatomical Exhibition of Real Human Bodies. Oh my....is all i have to say. I found it rather interesting/disgusting. Gunther Von Hagens is the inventor of plastination. Plastination makes it possible to preserve an entire body or individual tissues and organs that have been removed from the body of the deceased. Decomposition is halted by removing water and fats from the tissues and replacing these with polymers.

Anyway so there were preserved bodies displayed in many different ways as well as cases of organs and various body parts. It was interesting to see the effects of a stroke on the brain or an obese man vs a skinny man and all the muscles in our bodies. I recall laughing as we approached one specific case. It was a pelvis and a leg. This particular person had had a knee replacement. Also attached was his penis. The gentleman behind me had children with him and kept trying to keep their eyes away from the genitals by repeating "wow, look at that shiny knee, look kids, it's metal, wow, look at that knee" as the wife and the rest of us started to laugh.

As i said i found the exhibit quite interesting but it also really creeped me out. I think for most of it i had a look of sheer horror and disgust on my face as well as one of wonder. The one man had been sliced repeatedly but he had that funeral skin look and there was hair on his head and my sister felt the need to point out his sliced nipple....eek. I wanted to poke at him but i refrained. I do however wonder how the camel and the horse gave their consent to be a part of this :)

All in all it was a good educational experience. Many a time i have pulled my sciatica nerve not really knowing what it was, just that i was in pain...but this experience allowed me to actually see the nerve and to appreciate my body a little more. I really do need to take better care of it :)

If you want more information about this exhibit google Body Worlds ... I cannot get the link to work.

My sister and I also took a spin around the Science Centre. We looked ridiculous i'm sure hopping on bikes to make a light glow and having races on rowing machines. She of course won however she rowed for years but felt the need to boast about it throughout the day. We also did a simulated wheelchair race....before the minute was even up our arms were hurting so bad....i don't know how they can race like that.
Jennifer will appreciate this one....they have an aging machine so you can see what you will look like in 40 or so years. Asides from the fact that there was a huge lineup we did not participate in that one....I would rather die then see all the wrinkles that will be added to my already existing bunch.

Needle Exchange Programs

So i was reading an interesting article in the paper the other day regarding Needle Exchange Programs (NEP) in federal prisons. They began them in August as a trial to see if they could promote Harm Reduction within the prison system for Intravenous drug users as well as with tattooing. I think this is a fantastic idea. I also agree with Harm Reduction and it's principles. For those that are unsure of what it means....Harm Reduction is a service delivery model and a model for behaviour change. It encourages substance users to reduce the harm done by drug use, using clean works and such to prevent the spread of various diseases through dirty needles. As well, it provides users with a new needle for every time they use as some will use the same needle 20-30 times making the tip jagged and a feeding ground for infecions with the raw ripped skin.

I had a big discussion with my trainer on Halloween about Needle Exchange Programs. He was horrified by them, thought they promoted more drug use. I disagreed, people are going to do what they want to do, we can at least provide them with the tools to prevent further harm to their bodies. These NEP provide clean injection equipment in return for old or used needles and promote safer injections. They dispose properly of used and perhaps contaminated needles so they are not lying around the parks for kids to touch etc. As well, i know in Vancouver they had started Safe Injection sites for heroin users a few years back with clean facilities and medical staff on hand. Some of their goals included preventing the spread of infectious diseases and preventing fatal overdoses. I have not done any research as of yet into the outcomes of this place....Any thoughts on these programs?

NIN

Ah yes, so on Thursday i went to the Nine Inch Nails concert...good times, they were fantastic. However the gentleman sitting beside me was not. There was the aisle and then one empty seat and my seat and the rest of the row. I ask my friend if the show sold out and she said it had. So i'm wondering who is going to be joining us in the lone seat...perhaps someone that got separated from their friends. I see 3 people walk up towards us, 2 sit infront and a chubby man sits beside me. I'm assuming they are together but nope he's alone. Then he starts trying to make conversation with me and i realize he smells like a brewery. The funny thing is though that the venue had a liquor infraction and was not allowed to serve any alcohol for this particular concert. He must have been imbibing beforehand.
So he's stinky, unsteady and drunk and keeps trying to talk to my friend and i. We do our best to ignore. He then pulls out a mickey of whiskey and pours it into his pop cup...mystery solved. Nine Inch Nails begin to play and some poor soul decides to stand in the aisle beside him and he procedes to yap and yap. That person leaves and he turns to me and says "so have you heard the new cd?" I was like "yeah and i'm trying to listen to it right now" *give dirty look* and he continues to talk "so do you like it" i shake my head yes, give another dirty look and he stares at me like he's going to say something else but i ignore him. Ughhh we were hoping he would tumble down the stairs but we were not so lucky. He was my TYB courtesy of Dawn LOL.

As for the weekend, i met a cute boy last night :) Friend of a friend. Perhaps i'll give him a call.

Early HNT

Well as some of you know i did not get the job...everything was perfect it just came down to experience ... the other girl had more than me. Needless to say all of my co-workers are super pissed and i actually just got a card from the girl whose position was free wishing me luck and saying i would be the best at the job. I will have to remember to call her and tell her the news as she has moved to a different location. Of course it sucks but it makes me feel good knowing that i'm well liked and obviously everyone agrees that i'm capable of doing more than i am right now :)

As for my early HNT...i don't particularily always follow the rules and i found this funny story and an old glove that i thought would compliment the tale......and i'll be busy tomorrow at the NIN concert :)

The Glove Story

A guy decides to buy his new girlfriend a pair of gloves for Christmas....after all they've only known each other 3 weeks. Romantic yet not too personal.
Accompanied by her younger sister, he goes to Eaton's and buys a pair of gloves. The sister picks up a pair of panties for herself. But during the wrapping the clerk mixes up the parcels. The sister gets the gloves, they guy takes home the box containing the panties. Without checking, the guy rushes the suspect gift to his sweetie after drafting this loving helpful note:

" I chose these because i noticed you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade but the lady i bought them from showed me a pair she'd been wearing for the last 3 weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish that i was there to put them on you the 1st time. There's no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before i have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times i will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Christmas Eve...P.S the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."

After a While...

So quick update, i went for that interview last week, i finally had one. My boss asked me today how i thought it went and i said i was not sure. She assured me i did a great job in the actual interview and an excellent job on the written half. They are still undecided ......ughh. She let me know as well that the other women had previously worked in the particular job we are both going for as well she has extensive experience within the agency ahhhhhhh..... so i can only keep my fingers crossed...at least they are still unsure of who they would like.

Anyway i came across an old poem i had not read in a long time but i quite enjoy. I thought i would share it with you.

AFTER A WHILE

By: Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while, you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul.

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning, and company doesn't mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts, and presents aren't promises.

And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.

And futures have a way of falling down in midflight.

And after a while you learn that even the sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure...That you really are strong.

And you really do have worth.

And you learn and learn...With every goodbye you learn.

The Pervert

That's my arm....not very exciting i'm afraid but i had to put something up !!


I read a funny blog about a man's crazy perverted old neighbour and it made me laugh as well reminded me of a hilarious story. I've been meaning to ask my sister about the details again but for those that know me....i'll never remember to ask. So i'll go from my shoddy memory of what she told me in the summer.

She was having dinner at her sister in law's house. The sister in law's father in law was there. He's an older Italian man probably in his 70's or 80's....minor details. Anyway so she's sitting alone outside with this man and they are talking about food. He mentions that he doesn't like sweets much ....but does like one sweet thing. So in keeping up with the conversation my sister inquires as to what this might be "like chocolate?" and he responds with "pussy" "i love the sweet taste of pussy" He then continues on and on with various stories about his genitals and women's breasts .... she was mortified but could do nothing but laugh as she was in absolute shock at what this man was saying. I asked her if she started to yell "inappropriate" at him....but she said she just laughed. When she recanted the full story i do recall my mouth dropping to the floor and i was crying i was laughing so hard. She also told my dad the story ... and he's apparently met the man....he however did not recall discussing this man's genitals LOL.

Bitchfest

Alright, so i applied for that job at my work. Now silly me, i've been employed there for over a year so figured myself to be an internal employee. Not so as i discovered today as i am not in the union. I guess they interviewed internally today for the job and so if they offer it to this person and i'm sure they would take it as they applied for it i'm SOL. If not then i have a chance at an interview with all the other external people. Good grief. Perhaps i'm just naive but who knew.

So now i feel like i'm back to square one and i'm wondering what to do with myself. My friend and i had a good chat the other day about life and how neither of us were prepared for all this shit. I mean here i am 27 with a part time job and i'm living at home. I need to establish myself as far as a career goes or even a good full time well paying job in order to feel like somewhat of an adult. I'm single and have been for countless years with no prospects in sight in that area either. I have been in contact via email with my mystery man and i guess the truth kind of sucks. I would have been open to dating him but he did point out in a very sincere email that we are very different in some fundamental areas that would not have the makings of a long term relationship. One being he loves children and wants them soon and I am not the maternal type as well there is the distance issue. He agrees that the attraction is there and we get along so well..... perhaps i am just lonely and was not looking at the bigger picture. Truth be told i'm starting to get really down on myself.....however having a pity party in my favour is not going to help me though i did shed a few tears this evening.

I recall an email from a friend of mine a while back, he was saying that he should be married with a good job and have a house and kids by this age.........where did i go wrong he asked. Now i don't neccesarily want those same things but i'm beginning to understand what he was talking about....I feel like a failure in many areas of my life...where did i go wrong???

The weekend

Ah the weekend. Friday i went to a friends and we watched Return to Oz...anyone remember that with the wheelers and the heads? Good times. Anyway so her husband gets a firecall and off he goes. She calls me the next day to let me know this girl had swerved to miss a deer and flipped her car numerous times and was preggers and may be paralyzed. Skip ahead a few hours and i'm on my way to a Rugby Beerup in the states with some friends. They begin to talk about one of their friends and how his girlfriend may be paralyzed. I pipe in and recant what i had heard inquiring if it is the same girl..... the three of them ask in unison "she was pregnant??" OOPS. So then of course i back track and was like "not sure." Insert foot into mouth. Ughh.

So we arrive at the beer up, i'm one of the few girls there. I felt like i was in an Episode of the Family Guy, they began to sing these politically incorrect songs.....like my mouth was on the floor from shock and horror but i was laughing at the same time, a guilty pleasure perhaps. The drinking continues and some of them wrestle, rip halloween decorations down, i see genitals, drinking out of shoes .....on and on. So now it's 6pm and we must depart for an all you can eat and drink fundraiser even though i'm sure we'd had enough to drink at this point.

It takes us a loooonnnnggg time to find this place and the guy driving goes down a one way street...the wrong way but we eventually arrive safely. So more drinking and eating and around 8ish i see this girl who came up with us but in a different car is rather unsteady, spilling her wine everywhere. I suggest she have some water but she goes to get more wine. Hands empty she turns around from the bar and boooommm vomits' everywhere. Ughhhh. So being the only other girl with them i must tend to her in the washroom and make sure she's alright. She eventually gets off the bathroom floor and there is vomit all in her hair, on her pants, hanging off her chin Ughhhhh. So it's like 8:30 i'm half in the bag and the bouncers say barfy has to leave. I did not come up with her but decide to leave with them anyway. It had been a long day.

HNT

I don't really think this picture needs much of an explanation, it's my mouth!! I feel extremely silly doing one of these HNT things.....so this will most likely be it.

I do however have another silly story about my mother. My nanny called one day and told my mother she kept hearing a beeping sound....something was wrong with her ear and she wanted to go to the doctor, it had been bothering her for days. My mom goes to pick her up and she too hears this sound and thinks it must be something awful. They rush off to the doctors, sit in the waiting room for over an hour and alas they see the doctor. He pokes and prodes at my nannies ear, doesn't see anything out of the ordinary, asks some questions. One of which is regarding her fire alarm....he believes the beeping is not IN her ear....but probably from the dead battery in her alarm which she needs to change. He sends them on their way with the above advice. Low and behold....it is the fire alarm beeping and making the noise. Now my question to my mother was 1st of all, how could she possibly hear the beeping coming from my nannies ear and 2ndly did the two of them not notice the beeping stopped when they left the house? She could not answer me as she was laughing so hard she was in tears.

TYB = There's Your Boyfriend!!!!

I remember the first time i heard those words uttered. I was on my way to a concert with my friend Sarah like 10 years ago and she yelled that out and pointed to the boy in the car next to us on the stopped highway. It's been the most entertaining game i've played ever since.

This is how it works. You're out with some friends and see a poor soul who for whatever reason is not looking so great...perhaps it's their hair like a mullet, a rats tail or really long Fabio hair on a man. Maybe they are wearing some appalling atire such as cowboy boots, overalls (check out PP's blog for her list of what not to wear she inspired this entry today) or spandex. Now i'm not even sure how spandex made the list.....for working out or sports it's ok, but to go shopping in or out to dinner ... oh my!!! This should be a known fact. Anyway so basically someone in my group of friends will see a funny looking person, could be their hair or clothes as i've mentioned or perhaps they are just funny looking for some reason and they will say "TYB" and we'll look and burst into a fit of giggles...not too loudly of course wouldn't want to be rude. We are generally subtle about it and then begin to ask silly questions to the boyfriends target "Hey look Ashley there is your boyfriend, what is he doing here" type of things. Childish & mean perhaps, but we never make fun of developmentally delayed or challenged people or anything like that. Just randoms that don't fit our ideals as far as appearance is concerned. I don't mean just generally average people or even unattractive ones....there's gotta be something there to make it a TYB.

We once had a rule that you had to go talk to your TYB. So one day Dawn whispered TYB to me and pointed to this skidly looking gentleman. Long hair, plaid jacket, big running shoes with the tongues hanging out rather unkepmt looking. I don't recall the rest, however i went over and asked him for the time. He ignored me the first time i asked and the 2nd time he told me he didn't know....he was wearing a watch LOL. Perhaps him and his friends were playing TYG (there's your girlfriend) and i was the brunt of it.

Does anyone else out there do this?

Updates

I spent the weekend in the big city. My friend had free tickets to the Leaf's farm team so we figured we'd check it out. We had seats six rows from the ice and the game was quite good few fights a million penalties and such. As well this man decided to start yelling at & slap another gentleman in the stands...who continued to watch the game, very bizzare but nonetheless entertaining. Mr. Slappy got kicked out.

The next day i decided to hang out with a guy who i had been on a handful of dates with previously but told me he was not into long distance relationships and that we could be friends.....ughhh. So i told him i had enough friends and that was the end of that. Skip ahead 2.5 months and he sends me a message. So here i am this weekend at a bar with him in Little Italy. Needless to say good conversation, drinks go down well and we go to an after hours bar i had always heard of but never ventured to. We couldn't seem to find the people with the hidden juice and mickey's in their jackets LOL so we continued on our way. It was fun and i haven't the slightest if i will see him again .... we'll see.

As for my whole "should i do the interview or should i not do the interview" ... i did not have a choice in the matter, no interview :( The woman who's job i would have been interviewing for was informed the job she was offered was now reposted as the woman who's job she would have taken had resigned. She had applied when it was a contract but it has now turned into a permanent position. So that made my decision a lot easier....i'm looking into dental school LOL. But as my current job is only parttime ... i may also be in the market for a new job as i'll need to save some moolah. Why did noone inform me life was going to be like this ughhhh.

Oh and i have a Halloween party to attend....any suggestions for costumes?

Mullets and a bad conversation

So i like the rest of you find mullets rather amusing. I'm curious to know if those that sport such haircuts know that many of us laugh and point and recant stories to our friends about what we have seen. For the 1st time in my life after witnessing a terrible mullet the other evening, i actually felt bad for the person.

It was this young kid probably 15 or so at a pizza joint. He was with his friend and they were pretending to play the video games and laugh at one another. Mullet boy however looked extremely awkward, tall and skinny, dodgey eyes, acne and yes i can't believe he had this as well but a teen stash. All of that is bad enough but factor in a mullet. It was short yet sort of curly on top but more in an 80's feathered type of way. Of course it was long in the back, but almost halfway down his back and then he started to touch it and play with it, putting it into a ponytail then letting it drop repeatedly. For once i did not laugh, but instead felt sad in a way. I envision a very tough future for him :(

So to the bad conversation part. I stopped by PP's house for thanksgiving desert and some wine on Sunday evening. Her family is there and i've known her for 26 or so years and get to see her family from time to time. She's often talked about them being racist and prejudiced but i had never heard them speak that way until that evening. So we're talking about my trip to Japan and how i loved it there when her Aunt pipes in that she has no desire to go there ever as "i don't like those people." She refuses to appologize for feeling that way as well pointing out that she's only drinking water and not wine like everyone else....though i'm sure she had some earlier. " i don't care i don't like them" "i don't even have any Japanese friends" she laughs and goes on to say she does not like Chinese people or Japanese people or any of those Asians. I'm speechless and PP checks the tags on her Aunt's clothes to find out she's wearing a shirt that was made in China. PP asks why she is supporting people that she despises so greatly to which Aunty replies that they are taking over the world. I suggest she try to befriend some Asian people and learn about their culture....though that would probably be a really mean thing to put the Asian people through.

Later on we're recanting this story to our friend Heather who responds to PP with "yeah, i remember talking to your grandfather and he told me he didn't like black people" she couldn't recall how it came up. We were all flabbergasted I cannot understand how people can be so ignorant.

The Future

So Jennifer would like to see a blog about the parking enforcement in her building.....i must say i am not a fan at the moment as i did receive a $40 ticket even after i actually registered. The funny thing is, i usually don't. I made the effort this time with one minor mistake I mucked up one # in my plate so technically my fault however they do not have to be such assholes about it. I wish i had a tale for you Jennifer of how i was able to get the parking man to swear at me :) but alas i do not. I've decided to dispute the ticket....it will be in the mail tomorrow. I did almost manage to have one of my clients swear at me this evening.......but that's nothing new comes with the territory of Social Work.

It does however leave me to ponder my future. I applied for a new job within my agency....but now i'm truly thinking of beginning again in a different field and not even going through with the interview. I'm not nor have i ever been thrilled with my job there and having a different position with essentially the same tasks....well obviously a lot more involved.... is not something i see in my future. So what to do what to do.

I'm going to look at a few different options. I've toyed around with the idea of Dental School for a Level 1 and 2 Assistant....I mean come on, you get to wear sneakers and scrubs all day what could be better? There's just that minor detail regarding math and science hahaha not my strong points, but i do have a willing teacher to guide me through it. I'm not sure he's aware of just how hard he'll have to work his ass off to help me.

Perhaps i'll finally get off my butt and go to Australia for a year on a visa....I'll be giving Nathan a call shortly to pick his brain and get some details on how fabulous the whole experience was for him.

And Jennifer, if they refuse to pull up my file and tell me that i still have to pay it.....you may just hear some swearing...though i'm not sure it will be from the ticket man.