Worst Pick-Up Lines

1. “What’s your sign?”The epitome of cheese, this line, which has been around since the Beatles came to America, ranks as the very worst line in dating history. The fact that it’s still in use says a lot about the decay of our society’s standards and the glaring desperation of some singles.

2. “Pardon me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?”Maybe this was funny around 1910 or 1915—back when the telephone was a novel appliance. It does not inspire smiles now, only scared and doomed looks.

3. “You must be a broom because you’re sweeping me off my feet.”Maybe your dad used this one on your mom and for nostalgia’s sake, you’re bringing it out again. Nostalgia does not get you dates, only pity.

4. “Do you have a license? Because you’re driving me crazy.”Caution! Watching too many stupid teen movies impairs your judgment. This probably sounded clever to the person who swiped it from an Annette and Frankie beach party flick.

5. “I gotta thirst and baby, you look like my Gatorade.”Generally, comparing potential dates to food or drinks is not a winning move. “I had a guy use this one on me and I rolled my eyes and walked way,” says Susan, a marketing representative who doesn’t usually go for lines. “But a couple of weeks later, I saw this hot guy at the gym and I used that same line and it worked! I guess there are gender preferences when it comes to lines. He was really flattered, where I was insulted when it was used on me.”

6. “Are you lost? Because heaven’s a long way from here.”Maybe angels like this one, but real women don’t.

7. “Are you religious? Because you’re the answer to all my prayers.”Prayer is something that anyone who uses this tacky line desperately needs.

8. “Can I take your picture? I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas.”This line is popular with both men and women who think references to Santa are cute and charming, which are qualities that they never possess personally.

9. “Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?”“A stunning woman I had been staring at used this on me,” says Mark, a tawny-haired, gregarious copywriter. “I know it’s an old one but it took guts to say it. I’m afraid I happily fell for it.”

10. “Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes?”A personal favorite, this one takes a certain amount of arrogance, as well as delusion, to pull off.

(Rosalind Cummings-Yeates is a freelance writer who often reports on relationships)

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I found the above on msn online and it gave me a good chuckle. Granted if any of the men below said any one of those lines to me....I would be putty in their hands LOL.

(James from Survivor)

(Aaron from Survivor)

(Brad aka The Bachelor)

I haven't heard anything too outrageous in my time however I did get "Can I borrow a quarter, I have to call my mother to tell her I met my future wife." Has anyone heard any funny lines in their time.....or even better, used one????

Funny!

I needed a good laugh this morning and thought everyone else could use one too, enjoy!!

One night, after the couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner. He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist. He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and the returned to do the same to her right thigh. 

By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself. The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed. 

"Why are you stopping darling?" she whispered.

He whispered back, "I found the remote!

One month of goals

So it has been exactly one month since I began my list of goals and thought I would give an update thus far. I decided it would be easier to try and complete some of the 30/90 day goals at the same time and get myself into a little routine. So for the month of September I have been working on :

#3 Make my bed for 30 consecutive days

This one in itself is not too much of a bother as I only have one sheet and a comforter on my bed at the moment, being summer and all.

#14 Take vitamins every day for 90 days

I bought one of those pill holders and have left it on my dresser so I remember to take them every morning. So far i'm taking a muliti vitamin, an Omega 369 and Vitrex which is supposed to help with my raging PMS haha, we'll see if it actually works.

#15 Stop going to obligated events

I have so far declined one wedding of a family friend I have not seen in probably 15 years....I see no point.

#26 Get a minimum of 100 signatures on my animal rights petition

I was able to get approximately 35 or so signatures before I passed the petition onto a friend to bring to her work. She's been amazing and has collected a whole whack of them for me. I still have a bunch of friends, neighbours and co-workers to hit up so I think this will be a successful goal.

#32 Floss every day for one month

This goal has been my least favorite of them all as I had braces when I was younger and still sport the brackets behind my teeth to keep them from shifting. It's a pain in the ass to floss as I have to use a threader. I will most likely continue to floss after the month is over on a more regular basis than previously.... but I doubt every day.

#35 Read all of the unread books on my shelf (2/35)

Ughhh so I read the two most BORING non fiction books ever. The 1st was the Depressive Spectrum from like 1974 or something *snore*. The 2nd was Hormone Hearsay which has a few valid points but was very repetitive. I'm currently working on 28 Stories of AIDS in Africa which I am of course finding very sad and very touching.

#50 Put all of my digital photos on disks

I'm very close to completing this goal as I put a whack of my photos on disks while I was on vacation. A few more and I am finished.

#73 Finish the 1st 3 seasons of LOST before the 4th season begins

Phew!! Apparently LOST is not beginning again until sometime next year so I do have a bit more time than I thought which is a pleasant surprise. That being said I've watched the full 1st season and will be starting the 2nd one in the near future.

#41 Visit 15 of my placements at work (1/15)

I went to one last week and have a few more lined up in the coming weeks. It's nice to be able to put a face to the people I talk to on a daily basis.

Goals that I have fully completed thus far include:

#12 Try a new food IE Korean

Jennifer's birthday shenanigans involved dinner at a Korean restaurant....and damn it was good!!! I had a spicy shrimp dish with rice, delicious.

#56 Wear a tank top in public sans jacket

Even when I was a tiny little thing I always hated wearing tank tops or showing off my arms.....no idea why but believe you me if I was back to that size I'd be running around sleeveless waving them in the air for all to see. So this day I decided to run some errands, go to the bank, get gas, groceries, visit a friend and other such things for most of the afternoon....all in a tank top. It wasn't as horrible as I had imagined but doubt I will do it again anytime soon.

Has anyone else decided to make such a list?

Oh, and give Bort a nice welcome and lots of fish...he loves them.

TV

I like to torture myself by receiving the Top 20 Deals each week from a travel website. Fortunately (or unfortunately for my pocket book) I've been on more than one impromptu vacation courtesy of this site. The latest deals that caught my eye were flights to New York for $80….not even kidding, round trip, taxes included and of course a cruise to Hawaii and New Zealand for less than $900. BAH!!!!!

I was able to talk myself out of traveling this time, as I keep doing these mini trips which take away from my larger goals of visiting India and other such places. TT mentioned an excursion he would like some of us to go on as well, and if I keep running off here there and everywhere I'll never be able to make it.

What is your travel wish list? Mine is rather extensive and I'd pretty much like to see anywhere and everywhere that I can….Galapagos Islands, yes please, Romania, why not…..Egypt, Iceland, South America, Indonesia…….we could be here forever, unfortunately I think New York will have to wait even though it's ONLY $80 *sigh*

On a completely different note, I'm a TV junkie….yes I'll freely admit it, and I like to watch some of the worst shows out there (The Bachelor, Big Brother you get the picture). So this coming week is heaven for me as it is what some call premier week. McSteamy and Meredith will be back in my living room, along with Linc and Michael, Survivor and Grissom…oh ya!!!! Premier week has been perfectly timed as well, as I've chosen the month of September to refrain from booze (goal # 75 no alcohol for one month). Rather than go to bars and watch everyone else get silly, I've been spending time with friends at home, catching up and relaxing. I really don't mind much, but it would be nice to get a little rowdy sometime soon. That being said, I'm glad to have my good ole friends Gabrielle and Edie back to keep me company on Sunday night

Highschool

My coworkers and I were talking about our high school experiences and it was interesting to find out that some absolutely hated high school and one so much so that she dropped out. Her school in particular was in a rather shee shee neighbourhood and many of the students had the privilege of driving mommy and daddy's beamers to school, wore designer clothes and such. If you weren't one of those students then you were nothing.

My high school experience was the complete opposite, granted my school was dubbed the "snob" school if you will (Still not sure why). I was one of those people that got along with everyone, of course I had my core group of friends but I was also friends with some of the jocks, the nerds, the freakers....pot smokers, you get the idea. I was also a good student, enjoyed learning and was on the honour roll every year so perhaps that made the experience more enjoyable as well....the thirst for knowledge (except of course math and science.....*shudder*) I've of course made new friends since those days however I do still have some close friends that I met in class, when we were young and silly.

I wonder if I had gone to her highschool, would my experience have been the same? I doubt it.

What was your high school experience like?

I don't Understand

I don't understand how we can live in a world where 7 months ago Deamonte Driver died because his family was unable to afford dental care ( bacteria from an abscessed tooth had spread to his brain) and yet a few days ago there was a family that won a $314 million dollar lottery???

Back to the Grind

I'm back to work this week but let's not talk about that, let's focus on the much needed time off that I had haha. In all seriousness it truly was much needed as I was starting to snap at my clients and my fuse that is generally short to begin with was non existent.

It was delightful to do nothing/anything that I wanted. Feel like watching Ellen or some morning talk show I never watch ... go ahead. Feel like watching LOST for hours and hours or reading in my jammies woo hoo! Want to go for a bike ride, or visit friends or swim ... Rock On!!! I don't recall the last time that I took vacation time and stayed home so this was a treat.

I also decided to pamper myself a bit and at the same time check off one of my goals, I went to the spa for a Hot Stone Massage. It was very relaxing and lovely but at the same time made me giggle just a bit. I'm generally a rather modest person but dear lord, this woman had the small towel so folded up it barely covered the crack in my ass... and massage it she did.


I've spent the past few days riding along the parkway and enjoying the weather. It's the one place I go when I want to relax or be alone. The whole area is quite lovely and rather quaint once you actually get into the town.

Unfortunately I'm a bike rack moron and had the bloody thing improperly situated on my car today. The paint on my spoiler chipped off due to a big metal bar rubbing against it....oops. Ah, but such is life.

Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

(LD and I waiting for the ride to start)

(LD and I on the ride ahhhhhhh)

So the road trip was a lot of fun and I did manage to complete one of my goals at the park as I tried out the Wicked Twister and Top Thrill Dragster. The most daunting part was having the Dragster break not once but twice for "mechanical reasons" before we went on it. The 2nd time we were 3rd in line to ride the bloody thing so we waited patiently however when they announced "good to go" my palms got all sweaty and my heart felt like it was going to leap out of my chest and run away. Damn it they fixed the monster. LD then pointed out that the ride only had a seat belt and a little bar to cross our lap....huh??? You want to hurl me up 400 feet at a speed of 120 mph with no shoulder bars and then plummet me 400 feet to the ground.....good Lord!!! So we got on and both declared this was the stupidest thing either of us had done by far. The lights turned green and BAM we were at full speed within 4 seconds, eyes closed, screaming at the top of our lungs. I finally opened my eyes at the top just in time to see us plunge to the ground.....still screaming as though someone was murdering me. I lost my voice and had the shakes but of course it was worth it.....scary as hell though. Jen stayed on the ground to take some photos as she is afraid of heights and was a trooper for all but that ride haha.

Oh and the funnel cake, we musn't forget the delightful funnel cake yummy!!!!

We spent the next day catching Superbad at the local theatre. It was hilarious, the only bizarre thing I found was this younger girl (about our age) brought her toddler to the theatre (she was around maybe 12 months old). Of course she started to cry on and off throughout the whole movie and eventually mom smartened up and took her out of the theatre to calm her down but fuck, it took her a while. Have you ever seen anyone bring such a young one to a movie like that ever???? I haven't. Not to mention the other woman who brought her two young boys (around 8 and 11) to the show. Within the first 10 minutes they all got up and left as the characters were talking about fucking and nipples. Hmmm it was rated R for a reason....ass.

Our last day was spent shopping at the outlets which are huge. I didn't come out with too much, a few pair of shoes and a wrist cuff, but bought some other stuff along the way, super cheap yoga pants, a hat, some perfume & booze at Duty Free.

We also hit the Rock N Roll hall of fame at the beginning of the trip. I enjoyed seeing the outfits worn by the singers and the personal letters they wrote the most. And of course The Doors exhibit and Jimmy....oh Jimmy....delightful :)

I've taken this week off as well and it's been lovely (other than my love dying). I've been catching up on LOST, reading, going to the gym and visiting friends. It's much different than most of my other vacations where I actually go somewhere and don't actually get to rest....this is fantastic.

Rest in Peace my Love.........

Roadtrip!!

So just to tack on a few more goals that people brought to my attention and a few that I missed:

#71 Read a Choose Your Own Adventure book without cheating

#72 Strap on love with Scott

#73 Finish the 1st 3 seasons of Lost before the 4th season begins

#74 To ride the Wicked Twister and Top Thrill Dragster

With that said, this chicky is off on a mini road trip for the long weekend with the girls (and maybe one penis). Our first stop is the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, which i'm very excited about. I'm a big Doors fan (snicker if you will) and they have an exhibit on the band that I'm interested in checking out. Me and Jimmy go waaaaayyyy back you see :)

The following two days will be spent at "The Roller Coaster Capital of the World" Cedar Point, Woo Hoo!!! I've been there a few times but it's been years....and now they have some newer scary rides that I will most likely shit my pants if I go on. As you can gather from the photo and stats below....Top Thrill Dragster is a little intimidating:

Here's a short video that someone posted

See how it looms over the park EGAD!!!!

Last time I visited the park I was not able to get up enough courage to ride the Wicked Twister:

Here's another short video that someone posted of the Twister....BAH!!!!!

Our last day will be spent shopping at Prime Outlets in Pennsylvania. I've heard many a good thing about them but have never actually made the trek over. If we have time I also think we should visit a White Castle (even though I don't eat meat the onion rings must be good) and perhaps a Hardee's for their amazing real shakes yummmm!!!

With the good unfortunately also comes the bad sometimes. It's been a week of terrible news: a friends mom passed away, another friends mom had a stroke and someone I know had a masectomy.....all on the same day if you can even believe it. My thoughts are with them all.

I'll be back next week, enjoy everyone!!!

Annual BBQ

(View from the Ferry)

So this weekend was TT's annual BBQ extravaganza on the Toronto Islands. It was fantabulous as usual and the yummy food was great namely his marinated shrimp kabobs

and triple chocolate brownies I brought a special cake which was rather embarrassing to have made. You see I went to this higher end cake place where the staff are mainly older Italian women and I had a special request. I asked them to draw a picture of tighty whities on the cake if at all possible. Well after a few smirks and funny looks, the cake was made and it turned out fabulously. They would not have understood the underpants Dan seal of approval so I just smiled and thanked them as they looked at me for some type of explanation.
P and I went off to the clothing optional beach to sit by the water and hang out. Aside from the unsightly old naked men the view was beautiful and it felt good to catch up.

I had to leave the BBQ early as I had tickets to the latest Cirque Du Soleil show Kooza, woo hoo!!!!

The show was absolutely amazing, exciting and fun. I love the costumes, the music and the fearlessness of the performers. They astound me with their talent and many a time I found myself with my mouth wide open, eyes bugged out thinking no way did someone just do that. Unfortunately I cannot find a proper showing of the performances that amazed me the most. If you want to check out a few clips the 1st one is the trailer for Kooza, the 2nd is someones own taping of a very amazing act however the quality and view don't really show at all what it was like, but will give you a slight idea. And the 3rd is a contortionist from the Alegria show. Seriously if any of you have a chance to go see one of the Cirque performances you will not be disappointed!! (Has anyone ever been)?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O0-HJhjw8Q

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-jC2An9Rb0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFIamAni4Ys

Git R Done

So camping.....well in a trailer for two days was a success. The only unfortunate part was the ban on fires as they have not had rain up there in a long time. It was actually quite nice inside, stainless steel appliances and such, perfect for two people to share. I don't quite understand how families and others stay all summer as many do, but for a weekend getaway it was great.

We spent the 1st night gazing at the stars which reminded me of when I was a child. I used to lay on my driveway wondering what was out there and what the world had in store for me. We also spent that first night having a few bevvies and staying up until 7am chatting. Lots of stories and laughter ensued as I met my friends brother for the 1st time. He had tonnes of funny stories about her as well he and his girlfriend are avid travellers and have been to places I would love to go.
We slept in (woo hoo) and spent the next day shopping and of course checking out the area. I really loved how the general store was not only the corner store, but the grocery store, post office and of course liquor and beer store all rolled into one. We then decided to hit the town at of course the local Country Western bar....oh yeah that's right. I hate country music but was the 1st one to declare our mandatory attendance for some laughs, as well I was hoping to ride the mechanical bull but alas the bull is only there on Thursdays. Unfortunately I forgot my camera but let me just say this....the stamp to get in said either "GIT R DONE" OR "REDNECK" and of course there were cowboy hats everywhere, you get the idea.

It was fun to try something new and I think we even became a little bit country during the weekend...no knife...no problem: (Oh and my toes are healing nicely I can walk again though still nasty looking) SS don't look :)

5 Questions...

Michael was interviewed by Mackenzie and I am in turn being interviewed by Michael. Here are the 5 questions he had for me and my answers, thanks Michael!

1) Where is your favorite place that you've traveled and why?

Man I have to pick just one???? If I must, I would definitely choose West Africa and more specifically Ghana. It was such a unique experience and the biggest culture shock that I have encountered in my travels thus far. I fell in love with the people and of course the children. Everyone was so incredibly welcoming & friendly, beautiful and resilient. I was in awe of how happy people were when by my standards they had almost nothing. It was such a humbling experience and I will be forever grateful for the honour of visiting such a place. (If you missed my posts about Africa you can read them here....and here....and here)

2) If you could travel to anywhere you've never been, where would it be?My list is rather extensive at the moment. I would really like to travel to India next.....however Egypt, Dubai, Galapagos Islands and Bali are also on the list. As well I've never been to South America before ...... I pretty much want to go everywhere, I freaking love love love travelling!!!

3) What motivated you to start blogging?

To be honest I'm not quite sure. I remember PP started a blog and I made fun of her for doing so.....and somehow in the mix I obviously enjoyed her blog and decided to start my own. So really it's all her fault :)

4) (I know a little about your work from your blog, so I hope this question is accurate) What motivates you to work with "deviants"?

I work with people who are involved in the correctional system. I believe there is a light in all of us and that the crime does not define the person. People make mistakes, some have made them repeatedly & some are horrible mistakes that hurt and affect others. I don't condone or excuse their behaviour and believe that my clients must take responsibility for their actions...however they are people too and deserve to be treated as such.

My motivation comes from the clients I work with. I have been able to lead a relatively privileged life with a great family, supports....you get the idea. If I can get through to even one person on my caseload that there is more out there than a life of crime & jail, then I feel as though I've made a contribution to society. As well, the community hours can give the client a sense of accomplishment & some job experience which is so important and rewarding in itself. I had one man who was rather transient, a kleptomaniac, into drugs and will most likely be in and out of jail for the rest of his life. He called me out of the blue one day to tell me that the supervisor where he was completing his hours told him he was doing a fantastic job. He had never been told that before and it meant the absolute world to him. That's what keeps me going, it's my passion.

5) What is the most important thing your father has ever taught you, other than the proper pressure for your tires. :)

My dad has taught me many many things over the years however the one that sticks out the most is the importance of honesty. Take for instance little white lies that others may tell or actions they take (having an illegal satellite, buying clothes over the river and declaring nothing at the border) there is no way in hell my father would do such things.....ever. I completely respect and admire him for that.

Lovvvvveeee Long Weekends!!!

I had a fantastic long weekend.....and it's still continuing on this evening so I have to make this short and sweet. I layed low on Friday evening and spent the evening with my friend while she watched her nieces. Felt good to stay in and relax which is something that I rarely make time for.

Saturday a few co-workers came down and joined a friend and I for the comedy show. Two of the comics were quite funny, one was bleh, but let me tell you, we got quite a kick out of the audience. I'm pretty sure we missed the part on the invitation that read "Hawaiian shirts mandatory" or "wear your jammers from 1980". Seriously it was ridiculous and we pointed out a vast number of "there's your boyfriend". We then went to the Wrinkle Ranch where a few more friends joined us. It again was ridiculous and our tummys hurt from laughing at the cougars and the interesting moves that were flying around on the dance floor.

I bought a bike rack and spent most of Sunday trying to figure out how the hell to mount it on my car, I gave up and asked a neighbour for some help. I made it to the path fine, but figured I'd be shit out of luck on the way home and lose my bike when it was my turn to mount it myself after the bike ride. Shockingly, the bike and the rack made it home in one piece.

Today I spent the entire afternoon down by the beach playing volleyball....no joke, we played for almost 5 hours and it was about 30 degrees out (feels like 36). Hot as hell but felt good to get out there and play with some great people. (Clearly I was not playing with my regular team, just some friends fooling around). It was probably one of my favorite summer days thus far, however I did rip up my toes pretty good. Nasty I know:

Now I'm off to meet them for some drinky poos and then back to work tomorrow ..... BOOOOOO!! Hope everyone had a great weekend!!!

Freecycle

So I recently heard about this website called freecycle. There are various groups all over the world with one common goal...to keep objects out of landfills and to pass on items that are no longer of use to you but that someone else may need. Also everything on the site is given away for absolutely free. One can request an item IE I'm in need of a lawn mower......or one can post about an item they wish to pass on IE I have a bike to give away. I think it's a great concept and thus far have picked up a book and four tickets to a dinner and comedy night that someone was unable to attend. I shall enjoy that gift this weekend with some friends. Take a look at the site and find a group near you. Perhaps there are some unwanted items in your house that would be better suited for another person in need rather than the dump :)

This next bit I found rather interesting yet a little bit bizzare. I'm not sure if any of you caught the inmates in the Philippines doing their "Thriller" reinactment....ummmmm yeah!!! Check it out haha, it gets going about a minute into the video. I didn't realize they started having dance lessons in prison, I kind of dig it.



So a happy weekend to all!!! I'm sticking with my plan of enjoying the weather:

HIKING




BIKING

AND OF COURSE LOUNGING