Ok so this week is getting a bit ridiculous as far as death is concerned. My Aunt's funeral was last weekend, my friends Uncle's on Wednesday and my friends Grandfather's today. I've seen more than enough funeral homes to last me the year. To top it off i'm sicker than a dog, contracted a friends cold which has moved into my throat, ear and chest. I am luckier than her though, she has bronchitis now and she got her husband sooo sick he can't celebrate his 30th birthday. Poor guy.
So i go out after the funeral home for a different pre-birthday celebration. My friends boyfriend is celebrating early as she will be away on his special day. His parents came down from up north as well as some hunting friends from the states. A bunch of us go to a local bar, nothing special, fried food and pool table type of place, he's not fancy. The drinks start coming, his dad and hunting buddy (who looks like Santa Claus) are the loudest people in the bar, laughing and yelling, talking about inappropriate things. At first i'm slightly embarassed, and then i find it amusing, they're rednecks afterall. Bday boys dad starts telling us how he loves to have sex in the morning *shudder* Some little girl who's parents are watching, say nothing as she starts to sink the pool balls on the table while some of our friends are playing. I'm ready to go over and tell her to fuck off but her pizza comes and she sits down. Who has a 9 year old at a bar at 11pm anyway? Shitty parents who don't say anything to their bratty kid, that's who.
All of the men decide to order shot after shot of sambuca & jager *shudder* The shot bill alone came to $140. I enjoyed my pints of Keiths (i'll still drink it even if the spokesman may be a pedophile)and tried to torture my friend by saying funny things, that she does not find funny about her and her boyfriend...she was kicking me under the table trying to make me stop. Thus comes up a discussion about rimming and anal sex. Santa Claus decides i'm the shit and comes over and repeatedly tells me he'd like to interview me and that i'm a free spirit. However it's only 11:30pm and we must ship out as people have to work in the morning and my friend must pack for her trip. My friend drives myself and the two older men, who are shit faced. It was by far the funniest car ride home i have ever had. I couldn't even tell you what they were saying but i was crying i was laughing so hard. I kept telling my friend to drop me off down the street so they wouldn't wake up my neighbourhood or come to my door to say hello to my folks. Perhaps i should invite them down for my birthday LOL.
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13 comments:
why were you talking to your friends dad about anal sex? Could you IMAGINE if I talked to R&D about my sex life...although, there was that one time your mom asked me if James was my "friend with benefits"....THATS shudder....Yikes
Linny, we have some around here, but these guys were straight from up north, town of 100 people.
PP, I have no idea why his dad said that, the anal sex thing was more a conversation between a few of us that Santa Claus overheard. And no, i don't want to recall that moment and am thankful i did not hear it.
ash, if that impressed him, you should have told him that in some circles you are only known as "dirty sanchez"...
Oh Sly you are hilarious, i laughed so hard when i read that. You were "the shocker" if my mind serves me right.
I am surprised they'd let a 9 year old in in a bar in Canada. Looks like you had a blast with the Santa look alike. Just imagine McDreamy in a white beard and perhaps you and that dude have a future, no?
Yrautca, not a chance in hell. He's old like 50, married and has a daughter my age not to mention he hunts.
You'd probably be more my style if i could ever get a picture out of you ... oh wait, you're too anal for me i forgot :P
LOL, no i don't think we've discussed any such things before. Perhaps you have me mixed up with Jennifer :)
yeah fuckin' right! which one of us is known as "anal ashley" or "ass-ley", it sure as heck isn't me!
but i think i was the one known as "the shocker!"
sly was known as "the slapper" and i'm not talking about spanking!
thankfully, sex does not exist in my family, the topic never ever ever comes up, my mother wouldn't know what friends with benefits was, or if she did she'd never talk about it, ever ever. it's such a relief to me. you wonder coming from a home like that how i could have ended up being 'the shocker!' it's a mystery to me too.
Jennifer, i think we're getting them all mixed up. We had superhero sex names and other names as well. If i recall,
Jizzy Jenny
Deep Dick Dan
Anal Ashley
Slappy Sarah
And then we had Dirty Sanchez, The Shocker and i forget the rest for other purposes. Does this make any sense?
Ash, I want you to get off your huge butt and get better soon. I hope you are taking good care of yourself. Dont leave underwear at friend's who are sick. Who knows what they really do to them. Oh and I would probably throw that underwear away. Seems like its been around forever. You should change your underwear collection every 5 years at the very least (I change it twice a year). I can send you some money if need be. Just say when ;)
Yrautca,
Why don't you just send her some enormous sexy undies. She'll love it.
You feeling any better now?
Yeah i'm getting better slowly
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