Clumsy....

PP and Dawn asked me to write about how clumsy i am. It's like i have two left feet and even though i have been walking for many many years, i seem to find myself sprawled out on the ground more times than not.

The most vivid memory for me is when i was about 18. A bunch of us got a hotel room in TO and drank all night long. We then went to a bar and drank some more. It was winter and very icy. I was in this cute little black PVC dress that i borrowed from Sly. On our way home from the bar this homeless man asked me for a cigarette. . I obliged and as i was walking away from him, i became light headed from digging through my purse and slipped on a patch of ice. I landed with my dress over my head and my ass hanging out for all to see. I went with 2 female friends and about 8 male friends. The men stood around me chanting "I see London I see France, I see Ashley's underpants." Dawn helped me up and helped me to salvage a small part of my dignity.

Another time when i was also around 18 and also wearing that same bloody PVC dress i had a spill. I was dancing on the speakers at the Kingdom and fell backwards into this pit where most people toss their beer bottles. Lucky for me there were no bottles yet, but i landed in this crumpled mess in the hole on some stairs. Strangers ran over to see if i was ok while my friends stood by doubled over from laughing so hard. I got up like a trooper, continued dancing and drinking until the wee hours. At work the next day i was sooooo sore i couldn't even cough and was convinced my ribs were broken. I went to the hospital and they told me to take some pain killers and go home...the doc didn't give me any pain killers booo :(

Last year i went to visit Jennifer and we went out dancing and drinking ( i see a pattern here LOL) at the Dance Cave. At the end of the evening we had to go downstairs to get out of the bar. On our way down the stairs, i must have missed one, and tumbled down about 10 stairs and landed flat on my face at the feet of the bouncer. I just remember Howard standing over me saying "oh my." At least i had pants on this time.

When i was about 19 i worked at a local amusementish type of park. Every payday the employees would go to this bar and spend our hard earned money. Well one day some genious decided it would be a great idea to go and break into the park for shits and giggles. So about 10 of us went along. As we were running down this long dark road to get into the park, i tripped and twisted my ankle. The adrenelene was pumping and i continued on. Inside the park we saw the owner driving around in his truck (rumours were if he saw someone in there he'd shoot first and ask later) so we're running, it's dark and apparently there is a big pile of dirt infront of me which i do not see. My foot lodges in it and i do a superman dive ontop of the pile of dirt. Needless to say we had to hide under this disgusting trailer with bugs everywhere to elude a car driving up the roadway and i wanted to die. At home i woke the whole house up, got some ice for my foot and went for x-rays the next day. Again, nothing was wrong with me.

There was another time with Dawn at Arizona's. I believe we had just finished peeing outside in a field or on the side of a road with her sister. We were walking back to the bar in a field and down i went. Funny thing is, a few seconds later she fell in the exact same spot. Must have been uneven ground, certainly not us LOL.

The strangest time i ever fell was in a bar called Oliver's Twist. I was literally standing at the bar with Dawn ordering a drink. When all of a sudden i'm down on the floor, just laying there. I didn't trip or stumble or anything. She had no idea how i got down there either.

The most embarassing time..oh wait, they all are, was in Cancun. I stumpled off a bus and did a running fall infront of a bus full of people. Scrapped up my legs pretty good and just prayed the bus driver would not run over me while i was trying to peel myself off the pavement.

Perhaps i should start wearing practical shoes to the bar, running shoes maybe?