My friend and I were discussing some of the errr umm gentlemen that pass through our office via the John School. JS is a diversion program for men that are 1st time offenders for soliciting the services of sex trade workers. Many of them are married and yes many of them have children as well. They attend a one day course which can include various speakers such as former Johns, former sex workers, the police, community members & public health who have a wonderful section on STD's which of course include colourful pictures.So my friend and I were discussing how 97% of the partners of these men are completely unaware that their significant other has been out looking for sex with another person. In some cases, the men will admit that this is their 1st time getting caught however, they have a sex addiction and have done this hundreds of times before. Some are just lonely old men who can't get laid, others are professionals who could have their pick of ladies or men.
This is quite scary and got me thinking about safer sex and condoms. I know a lot of people once in a "monogamous" relationship will forgo the condoms because they are only sleeping with each other.....or so they think. There's this false sense of security....I say false because people cheat all of the time. I see them come through my office, head hung in shame "she/he can never find out." Sad part is, she/he probably never will.
So when do you think it's ok to stop practicing safe sex? I can honestly say that even if I were to get married, the poor bugger that gets stuck with me will most likely be wearing one for the rest of his life. Blame it on the perspective my work has given me....or perhaps my common sense :)
25 comments:
The only safe sex is no sex. Or at least thats what women keep telling me.
Was with a girl for 8 years and she had a strict 'condom only' policy.
Seriously I'm not lying.
i think that once you are in a trusting and committed relationship and if birth control is being used that it is time to be done with the domes.
WIDGSF, crap you changed your name. I suppose it's true, or sex with toys perhaps haha.
Wiwille, 8 years and you weren't married......
Scott, we just talked about this....I still don't agree Syphilis Scott :P
I've been in a monogamous relationship for 4.5 years. I've never ever had sex with him or anyone else without a condom. And it's true that the only safe sex is no sex, condoms don't protect you from herpes, HPV and crabs, but they do protect you from the STDs that can kill you, and have no cure, like AIDS.
I could be using every a very effective secondary form of birth control, but I still wouldn't give up condoms - despite the fact that I'm pretty sure that my boyf is too cheap to pay for sex.
Condoms are the 10th ring of hell. I understand and respect the need -- but make no mistake :we hate them:
If you do marry some guy and find that you're both happy with the size of the family unit you've arrived at, the operative word for everyone's mutual happiness is spelled v-a-s-e-c-t-o-m-y.
Hex, you can still get AIDS from someone who has had a vasectomy.
Hex, I don't agree that vasectomies are the answer. Call me old-fashioned, but get the damn scalpel away from me.
I do agree with wearing condoms in a committed relationship, but at some point, you have to suck it up and trust your partner. If you cannot trust that your partner is being faithful, then maybe, you have some bigger issues to discuss with your partner. I believe that ultimately, the perfect relationship is one with absolute trust and thats something to strive for when courting.
On the otherhand, if you really love somebody, how hard is it to part on a rubber?
There are risks and there are bigger risks -- but my point is that if you're *married* to someone for so long, perhaps you'll know what the risks of infection will be enough to trust them intimately.
I'm not saying anyone's opinion here is wrong, I'm not telling anyone what they should/shouldn't do -- I'm just saying there are options in a committed, trusting relationship.
Jennifer...you're so funny, he'd be too cheap to pay for sex!!
Hex & WIDGSF, nothing wrong with an opinion and I get the whole commited relationship/marriage stuff. But I just think you never really know someone, as I see all the married men come into my office. Their wives believe that they too are being faithful.
It is scary out there...you never know who you're dealing with.
Yes it is scary. I guess one hopes that one can trust one's partner. If you are in a monogamous and committed relationship and you have both been tested, I'd feel safe about it. But then, I don't have your job.
-N
Yeah she didn't want to get married even though I was all for it.
Look, it's TMI Thursday!
JLee, exactly!!
Natalia, I had never really thought about it at much length until my discussion, then I was like wait a second.
Wiwille, that's too bad but marriage is not for everyone. I personally see no point to it really, granted this is coming from a never been in love spinster haha.
Holy crap, Jennifer, I didn't know that you could still get herpes even if you were wearing a condom. I thought they protected against everything except crabs. Thanks for the education.
But I agree with you, Miss Ash. Cheating is bad enough, but having a partner also pass on something to you is even worse, which concerns me more than the cheating. Studies show that women admit to cheating almost as much as men. Even worse, I believe that it's somewhere around 25% of married couples reported in a confidential survey that have had to deal with infidelity. Never mind the relationships that don't make it to marriage.
I grew up in an area where everyone would cheat on everyone with everyone else. Furthermore, hardly anyone would use protection because there were babies popping up everywhere. It was pretty ghetto, and even though I don't go for those kinds of women, growing up around that still makes it tough to trust women of a "higher caliber".
Anyway, I'm probably one of the few guys out there that doesn't have a problem with condoms. Not only for this, but also because I'm not a big fan of the pill (it compromises a woman's health too much, IMO), and I think the IUD is just sadistic. What else is there, right?
The Melon says that condoms suck because they make him taking more time to come.
I'll accept taking the pill ( mainly because I have done before and it's, on top of that, good for my skin... ) if he pays for it.
It's his pleasure and I already have mine.
I'm a big fan of condoms and have used them always, even as a married gal. But, I do think there is a point in a serious relationship at which you can just trust and do away with them. But, ya, it's all about the trust.
Trust is a key, and don't let your job affect too much about your view of life as you're experiencing a consistent view of one side of the coin. And the other side can be very good too.
Yeah, 2DP makes a good point. Don't let your job affect your perspective on life. Well, as long as you don't start sleeping with guys you meet at work.
Guys are horny.
Do use condoms for oral sex?
is prostitution legal in Canada, btw? I am looking for a new country.
Hi Miss Ash - I stumbled onto your blog from Spinster. As the former wife of a cheater, I will not have sex without condoms even though I've been in a committed relationship for almost 5 years. You can't ever REALLY know what people are doing when you aren't around. Sad but true.
Michael, see you learn something new everyday :)
MM&I, good to use something if you don't want to have children.
SS, I'm a big fan of them too.
2DP, i'm sure it can be, but i'd rather not get an incurable disease.
WINGATR, EWE!!!
BB, hmm good question. I should, but no I have not in the past.
Yrautca, the exchange is not legal, the $ for the act. The actual act is legal, if that makes any sense.
Crazy Me, sorry to hear that, but i'm with you on that fact that you can never really know what people are doing.
Ash-
I thought soliciting prostitution was illegal (going around asking for it or offering it up) as opposed to paying for it or the act itself.
TT I'm pretty sure we're saying the same thing.
Prostitution is legal in Canada, it's the communication for the purpose of prostitution that is not legal.
That's what I meant by the exchange not being legal IE a man offering a woman $30 for a blow job, but the actual act itself IE the blow job is legal.
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