(Amy Brown drawing)
I am not in the best of spirits and truth be told have been in a bit of a pissy mood as of late. I can’t really place my finger on one particular event as it’s more an accumulation over time I suppose. I find myself reevaluating my life every so often, the meaning of it, the path I’ve taken and what direction I want it to flow. I feel like for most of my adult life I’ve been stuck in this little rut that grows deeper and deeper as the years pass on; I’ve become comfortable and complacent in many aspects of my life and each day feels the same as the last.
As well, my 30th birthday is fast approaching which may have contributed to this melancholy feeling. It’s not so much the number that I fear, but more so the lack of accomplishments thus far in my life that 30 represents. I feel like I’m in the same place that I was 10 years ago. I don’t own a house (I’d really prefer a loft but you get the idea), I do not have a significant other and spend my days as I always have day in and day out. I work during the week, every now and again I hit the gym, I play volleyball 6 months out of the year and on and on I go.
I need something more, to feel fulfilled and joyful, but sadly I do not know what that something is and thus continue on……as I always have, with an empty feeling.
Well at least i'll always have my Morrissey :)
(I am well aware that I have a wonderful family, great friends and of course my health and really my sadness is a minor inconvenience compared to many other things in the world, it's just how i'm feeling at the moment)
16 comments:
Why don't you take a six-month leave of abscence from your job and go volunteer in Africa or somehthing? That would certainly give you a sense of accomplishment, and maybe you'd find some new direction to take your life in.
Listen to Spacehog's In the Meantime and all will be well.
I wasn't depressed, but then when I heard Morrissey...haha
I know what you mean Miss Ash. I go through similar things, especially now that my two supervisors are 11 years younger than me and I feel like a complete old fart loser. But the important thing is what makes you happy/fulfilled, even if it's selling crafts by the side of the road. I don't know where that came from, but you get the picture, right? ;)
I think it's perfectly normal to evaluate yourself, although too much of it usually makes me somewhat irritated as well.
Also, my 30th last year caused a lot of the same feelings, so I think that part is definitely normal.
Good luck pushing through until it passes because as you noted in the last bit, there's always a lot of excellent things out there.
TT, I would love to but i'm at that point where it's like should I pay off my car, find a place, settle down etc or take off. I suppose 6 months is not a long time at all and I can take a leave from work for up to a year. It would definately be exciting and fulfilling!!
WIGSF, I will do that tomorrow when I get home.
JLee, LMAO, I know I know, Moz isn't the most uplifting now is he. I do get the picture I just dont' know what I need to feel fulfilled.
2DP, very true and I suppose the grass is always greener right, I just need to find my meaning.
Ash-
If you can take a year off work then you definately should do it! You're not as likely to go off and have some crazy adventure when you're worried about a mortgage, etc.
There'll never be a 'perfect' time do something like that. And what that really means is that the time is now!
I can put you in touch with one of my friend who went to Ecuador as a volunteer for a few months though some organisation that arranges volunteer placements for people - he said it was the best experience of his life.
Do it! Do it! Do it!
Remember me here...6 months ago?
Same rut, same birthday...same pissy mood. :o) It's not so bad. I broke it in for you already. So far it just keeps getting better and better.
I think it's normal to get in this rut. We all do. But it seems like you have it all in perspective so before you know it things will be looking up again. Good luck!
You listen to Morrisey when you're depressed? Damn that makes me want to commit suicide in very creative ways.
I can't offer anything of substance when dealing with depression cause I just drink more and look at boobs. I doubt that'll help in your case.
TT, find out what organization your friend went through and get a website. I'll check it out and then talk to him if i'm intersted! Sounds like a great experience.
Lindsey, haha very true, and for you things have been getting better and better :)
SS, I know these feelings come and go, I just wished they'd go more than they come.
Wiwille, hahah ummm yeah no, I have my own boobs to look at if I so wish :P
Holy crap I can relate. It's like we go through our lives looking at the next brand new beginning, the next milestone. Then after we've finished college and got a job the others aren't guaranteed. There is no way to necessarily do it on the schedule you imagined at age 18. Getting married. Buying a house. Landing that great job. And then 30 just slaps you in the ass.
Sorry, I realize this wasn't upbeat at all. You were just speaking my language there...
If you feel like a baby is something that will lift your spirits, I can donate sperm if you like?
FC good to know i'm not the only one :)
BB haha I hate babies!! You made me howl though.
Yes, Morrissey always helps. Don't let 30 get you down. I am loving it. And evaluating your life is not a sign of something bad. I think the ones that do that...well, we are better for it. Chin up, babes.
Thought you might want to know that one of my sisters had the pics and emailed them to me. I've updated today's post to include the horror that you so wished to see.
Natalia, thank you :)
NM, those photos made me howl!!
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